I had a low day today.
- Lexi had a bad night waking up every 40 minutes with teething pain.
- I am finally on a reduced calorie diet (nothing extreme, just not indulging as much)
- I started an exercise routine that includes running and I HATE running.
- I also kicked butt at Pilates yesterday which means my whole body is extremely sore.
- We are at that time during the week when we need to go grocery shopping, which means we have zero tasty food at home, not even fruit.
- Alexis has been whiny and attached to the boob all day, which on a normal day I wouldn’t even blink an eye at, but today things were off.
- She is also biting today due to teething (and has been on and off for the past few days) so my nipples are so sore.
- I am exhausted from everything mentioned above.
- It has been gloomy all day and the weather has a huge influence on my mood. On sunny days, I am a lot more energetic.
- I had a 40 minute nap to get all my work done, answer a zillion emails, write a million posts, process thousands of pictures, assemble hundreds of videos, continue getting ready for the giveaway event at Daily Mom.
And I am not even talking about piles of both clean and dirty laundry thrown all over our bedroom and closets. Or the pressing work around the house that I can never get Andrew to do because he is JUST as busy and tired. Or the fact that I feel great amount of guilt for letting Lexi play while I fold her clothes or tidy up the living room, because if I were that PERFECT mom, I would surely sit down and teach her the alphabet that she has no interest in or teach her a new sign that I don’t have time to look up or make some homemade playdough and play with her.
So here I am battling with the thought of possibly going to sleep at 9 or 10 tonight and calling it a bad day, or try and get all the aforementioned done between Lexi’s bedtime (8-9pm) and 1 am (my usual bedtime) only to be woken up every hour and then up for the day at 7.
My biggest problem is I want too much, I have too many interests, I expect a lot of myself. Wait, I don’t think it’s a problem, but on days like this it can definitely become depressing.
I know that tomorrow things will be JUST fine. They will go back to their normal self with sunny Floridian weather, walks to the pool, trips to Children’s museum with #lexitwins, runs around the backyard naked (for Lexi, not me lol), splashing in the sprinkler, reading more books that a one year old should want to and yet she does, showing her how to use her newly received play food on her newly installed kitchenette working hard during a 1.5-2 nap and actually getting things done, contently sitting with Alexis hugging her warm soft body while she nurses, mostly for comfort, because her teeth are bothering her and cherishing that moment, sitting back with a cup of tea and some hazelnut butter while typing away at my computer after my sweet girl goes to bed.
That will all happen tomorrow, but today I am cranky and I want pizza and I want to blow off another set of pilates ( but will probably try to do it anyways).
I hate resorting to food for comfort, but at the moment that is all I can think of. I ended up sending hubby to get veggie pizza and pick up a few vegetables. Not my best moment, but that’s what needed to be done to lift the spirits.
Motherhood isn’t glamorous most of the time. You get to feel overwhelmed, and sad and desperate to do something other than read another children’s book for the 50th time, you want to bury your head in a blanket and sleep.
But then you write a blog post about it and you know that pizza is coming, you know bed time is just around the corner and you feel better, because tomorrow it will be all better and you will notice and appreciate every little moment.
I am sure most of you understand.
And this picture just made me oh so aware that my hair has gotten really dark and I need to somehow take 3 hours for myself to go get it colored. Let’s add that to my half-painted ombre (term coined by an e-friend) toes, my standing dentist’s appointment , and my ever unshaven legs. Le Sigh. I really do hope I’ll get to the point where I can take the time to take care of myself soon. I miss it!