I cried because when I looked at Lexi lying on the bed all naked and chubby and cute, smiling at me with her gummy smile, I realized she is changing. She is growing and changing and she will never be this sweet, this small, this innocent. In that moment I realized how much I need to savor every moment, spend every waking second with her.
And also how vulnerable that love for her made me!
In that moment I realized that nothing else matters, not my work, not my hobbies, not “me” time. What matters is that I don’t miss out on tight snuggles, and soft limbs, and fingers in her mouth, drool all over her shirt, those heart melting post-nap smiles, the look on her eyes when she’s nursing, the way she opens her mouth when I kiss her, the way she is happy to see both of us, the serious thinker’s face when we carry her around, her little face and chubby cheeks. I hope to keep those memories via thousands of photos and videos that I take of her every day.
I am not of the emotional kind, but it makes me extremely sad thinking that every moment with her can’t be re-lived, it’s gone.
And at the same time I am over the moon thinking about the moments we are yet to have. And I’ll be damned if I miss any of them.
I am not an emotional person. I do not cry. But today I did.