Today I cried…


I cried because when I looked at Lexi lying on the bed all naked and chubby and cute, smiling at me with her gummy smile, I realized she is changing. She is growing and changing and she will never be this sweet, this small, this innocent. In that moment I realized how much I need to savor every moment, spend every waking second with her.

And also how vulnerable that love for her made me!

In that moment I realized that nothing else matters, not my work, not my hobbies, not “me” time. What matters is that I don’t miss out on tight snuggles, and soft limbs, and fingers in her mouth, drool all over her shirt, those heart melting post-nap smiles, the look on her eyes when she’s nursing, the way she opens her mouth when I kiss her, the way she is happy to see both of us, the serious thinker’s  face when we carry her around, her little face and chubby cheeks. I hope to keep those memories via thousands of photos and videos that I take of her every day.

I am not of the emotional kind, but it makes me extremely sad thinking that every moment with her can’t be re-lived, it’s gone.

And at the same time I am over the moon thinking about the moments we are yet to have. And I’ll be damned if I miss any of them.

I am not an emotional person. I do not cry. But today I did.

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41 Comments

  • Reply
    Krista
    April 22, 2012 at 9:47 AM

    Beautiful picture of you two (the last one)!

    When you’re happy, time seems to fly by, doesn’t it? My daughter is 20 months old and when I snuggle with her before bed, I sometimes get teary. (I AM the emotional kind lol). One day very soon–too soon really–she’ll be too big to hold and won’t want more than a quick hug. And, it kind of breaks my heart. So that just means I have to get as many snuggles, hugs and kisses in now!

  • Reply
    Tanya
    April 22, 2012 at 9:50 AM

    I just had my baby boy on Tuesday. I am not an emotional person either. I had this revelation the first night we were all home as an entire family. And boy, did I cry as well. This post made me emotional as I rock my little guy back into his milk coma for the next couple hours… 😉 what joy being a parent is.

  • Reply
    Paige
    April 22, 2012 at 9:51 AM

    I totally understand where you are coming from….I just had my 3rd (April 10th) and I already hate watching the days go by so quickly. I have been teary eyes several times just looking at him and knowing one day my son will be bigger than I am, and he will be the one carrying me instead of the other way around. We definitely have to savor these minutes, seconds of every day….Thanks for your sweet post!

  • Reply
    Samantha
    April 22, 2012 at 9:53 AM

    It really does go by too quickly. You’re right to savour every moment.

  • Reply
    Kelley
    April 22, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    Ahh, this is a nice post. The other day I put away a sweater I bought for Brixton while I was still pregnant. He’ll never wear it again. I bawled my eyes out. It’s even harder because I’m just having one child..these moments are so bittersweet.

  • Reply
    Stephanie Heather
    April 22, 2012 at 10:10 AM

    The world can wait 🙂 It’s so true – it flies! My guy just broke his first teeth before his birthday (top) and the bottom two broke last week but you can’t really tell – point, I’m savoring every ‘gummy’ grin I get! I’ll miss them so much.

  • Reply
    Amanda- The Nutritionist Reviews
    April 22, 2012 at 10:24 AM

    Very cute post!

  • Reply
    Claire
    April 22, 2012 at 10:29 AM

    It all goes by so quickly and it’s really easy to get caught up in the stress and work of being a new mum. It’s so important to cherish these times because all too soon, it’ll be the next phase!

  • Reply
    Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
    April 22, 2012 at 11:28 AM

    She just gets cuter and cuter all the time. What lovely photos! Enjoy this time with her. 🙂

  • Reply
    Jenna
    April 22, 2012 at 11:51 AM

    Very sweet. The first pic of her looks like her eyes are purple?! Do you really need to edit her photos that much? She’s adorable. Just let the photos be.

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      April 22, 2012 at 12:15 PM

      Try monitor calibration. I didn’t touch her eye color.
      I wonder if you’d visit a photographer’s portfolio and also comment on the fact that she “edits” her photos? Because no photo is perfect straight out of the camera. You can always improve colors, lighting, tone of any photo in post-processing. It has nothing to do with the subject of the photo, but with the photography itself. A photographer who leaves their photos unprocessed is an amateur.

    • Reply
      Nizzy
      April 22, 2012 at 1:43 PM

      Jenna, this is HER blog. She can do whatever she wants with it. If she wants to make her baby’s eyes blue so be it. I can’t stand all these awful comments that I read on people’s blogs. I find the internet is a place where people find an excuse to criticize people left and right. In reality, you probably wouldn’t do this to their face.

      Elena, the picture is beautiful and her eyes really do not look purple. They look blue to me! 🙂

      • Reply
        Kris
        April 22, 2012 at 7:06 PM

        Having a blog means you can do whatever you want without people criticizing you? Really? I thought that Jenna’s comment was respectful and a far cry from “awful”. Alexis is a beautiful baby and its a shame that Elena feels the need to edit what she clearly sees as an “imperfection”, even though it’s not.

        And no, photographers who don’t edit their pictures are not “amateurs”, they’re “talented”. The more you have to manipulate your image the less skill you have in actually capturing a good photo.

        • Reply
          Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
          April 22, 2012 at 7:53 PM

          So you think that I consider Lexi’s gorgeous BLUE EYES an imperfection and that’s why I “turned them PURPLE”? WTF?
          And no, no talented photographer leaves their image unprocessed. It takes talent to take a good photo, it takes skill to turn it into a great one. No bad photo can be saved with post processing.

          • Kris
            April 22, 2012 at 10:25 PM

            Elena, you know very well that I’m talking about Alexis’ birthmark. You’ve obviously overexposed/brightened the photo so much that it is no longer visible.

            We could argue all day about whether a good photographer should edit/photoshop/process their pictures. If you want to edit your images so much that things like freckles and nipples disappear, go ahead.

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            April 22, 2012 at 10:40 PM

            Has it ever occurred to you that I brightened the photo because I like the look of it and because it needed it? There are plenty of photos where you can see her birthmark. If I wanted to hide it, I’d “remove” it from all the photos, don’t you think?
            It’s already fading so I wonder if when the mark disappears completely by the time A is 18 months, that I will still get accused of “removing” it instead.

            There is nothing I do to improve the subject beyond the standard PP all photographers do. You should very well know from my blog that my level of self confidence is high enough not to have any problems with any of my or my baby’s features or parts of my body, let it be freckles, nipples, moles, marks, or anything else. Any editing I do is for the sake of the photograph not the subject.

            And anyone so focused on appearance and so bothered by the hyped up alleged “photoshopping” should probably look within themselves to find what it is that truly bothers them that they are so convinced I’m doing something wrong.

            I’ve been accused of photoshopping and making skinnier my pregnant body, my postpartum body (cuz you know “women don’t have such a small belly 2 weeks postpartum”), anything that people don’t believe or have their set opinion about. It’s really ridiculous. Anything that looks too good/different/processed MUST be photoshopped.

            All that being said, I am done wasting my time correcting other people’s (not even my real readers’) skewed perceptions, solely influenced by stupid online forums where losers that have nothing better to do, nitpick every single thing and rile up other people to see things the same way. People have the right to their own opinions and can waste their time obsessing with my every detail all the want, and I have the right not to care. Had fun writing such a long reply!
            From Now On, all stupid comments go to spam, I have an amazing daughter to enjoy instead of replying or reading crap.
            Peace out! 😛

          • tarynkay
            April 23, 2012 at 2:26 PM

            I know nothing about photo editing. I am trying to be better about actually taking photos of my gorgeous son- it’s hard to remember, and next thing I know he’s done 79 adorable things that I have no pictures of. I do know a lot of professional photographers and some of them consider themselves purists and do not edit and others (mostly the ones who do weddings/maternity/newborns) do a LOT of processing. A really interesting post might be taking your readers through the editing process- like start by showing a completely untouched photo of beautiful Alexis, and show what tools and processes you use to improve the colors, etc. It seems like people are doing more and more home-processing of photos, so this could be really helpful for lots of people, since photography and editing are such big parts of your life.

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            April 23, 2012 at 2:59 PM

            I have not met a single photographer in real life and online, whether lifestyle, fashion or more creative that leaves their photos unedited, unless they don’t know what they are doing. No camera out there takes the kind of pictures SOOC that would be bright and sharp and contrasting and perfectly saturated.
            They might do it more natural than some others, it’s all about preference. I’ve gone through stages of super natural editing, then split tonning, Moody editing, overcontrasting, overexposing, underexposing etc etc.

            I will eventually do a photography post (when i get time) but that will be on my photoblog.

            Btw I totally go through the same thing as far photos and thinking I’m not taking enough. Recently I got really sad cuz I don’t have many photos of her full gummy smile because she laughs at us and as soon as the camera comes out, she gets serious (posing lol). 🙁

  • Reply
    Michelle
    April 22, 2012 at 12:54 PM

    Owhhhhhhhhh! You just almost made me cry!!!! Im 35 weeks pregnant today with number six!!!:) it does fly by y

  • Reply
    Terra Cotta Momma
    April 22, 2012 at 1:48 PM

    Time flies so fast! I used to complain to my husband that I didn’t hold her enough and he replied “YOU held her all the time” And he was right. I have and still just hold her close and take deep breaths and really cherish the moment, and while pictures are great nothing replaces that soft little baby cuddled close and smelling their sweet scent.

  • Reply
    Rockie
    April 22, 2012 at 2:39 PM

    Awww this is so sweet and so true!

  • Reply
    Galina
    April 22, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    awwwww….
    this is so true, and so sad… and so touchy
    and thank you for the reminder, sometimes it’s easy to forget about the moments, the Now…

  • Reply
    sarah d.
    April 22, 2012 at 2:54 PM

    she has the most beautiful blue eyes!

  • Reply
    Nina
    April 22, 2012 at 2:54 PM

    Beautiful post! Beautiful baby! I thoroughly enjoy each and every one of your posts and all the photos! I am excited about all your upcoming posts (in the poll). Keep doing what you are doing mama!

  • Reply
    Leah
    April 22, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    Elena, she is beautiful! I’m just curious what causes the mark on her forehead…does it have to do with being pressed against you a certain way while she was in your uterus? I remember reading comments right after she was born from many readers who had similar marks when they were born, so it must be relatively common. I was just curious if there was a specific explanation for how it occurs? Thanks! 🙂

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      April 22, 2012 at 4:40 PM

      What our pedi told us is that it’s a common temporary birthmark occurring in 1/3 of all babies that is a compilation of capillaries under the skin. It’s not from birth trauma or time in uterus. It occurs like any other birthmarks. Most occur on face or neck and go away by 18 months old. I never knew about them until now but I guess she gets it from my hubby’s side. His Sis had a similar one.

  • Reply
    Elena C.
    April 22, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    Awwwww, it’s sad some amazing and happy moments cannot be re-lived, but that’s what makes them this special 🙂
    Sometimes you just need to slow down and enjoy every second of it, cuz even moments that seem to be failures are still good memories 🙂

  • Reply
    rebecca
    April 22, 2012 at 7:14 PM

    The good news is that it just keeps better, more amazing, cuter, sweeter and funnier as they become more interactive and their personalities really emerge! Enjoy it, but don’t be sad, be thankful.

  • Reply
    Olgetta
    April 22, 2012 at 7:54 PM

    I can imagine how strong those feelings! I’m so happy for you that you experienced it!

    When I will be mommy(oneday) I think I could start every single post like that..I’m very emotional person.

    😉

  • Reply
    Michelle
    April 22, 2012 at 11:24 PM

    Elena, you take GREAT pictures of your Lexi. Can I ask what camera lens you are using? Thank you.
    I’ve read the editing debate, well, I usually edit my pics too to give it more beauty…my son’s pictures actually. And I believe, these are just people who have no idea on how to edit pictures AT ALL! Every professional photographers does it!!!

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      April 23, 2012 at 2:43 AM

      Thanks, Michelle!
      I use 5D Mark II and most of the time a pretty cheap Tamron 28-75mm or a canon nifty fifty.

      And yes most people don’t understand what editing means and what goes into it so they call everything that looks processed “photoshopped”.

      • Reply
        Gina
        April 23, 2012 at 10:17 AM

        People really don’t understand the difference between editing and photoshopped. I think your photography is beautiful. I wish I had that kind of talent so I could hang it all over my walls! BTW, my daughter and son both have blue eyes that often appear purple (although Alexis clearly has blue eyes in those pictures). People are annoying.

    • Reply
      Jess
      April 23, 2012 at 11:21 AM

      As a photographer myself (an expensive hobby mostly, though I’ve done work for family, friends, and a few of their acquaintances, as well as some free-lance work), I can attest to the fact that we do, indeed, edit any photo that’s worth looking at! Seriously, read that ridiculous argument above and just shook my head and chuckled. I think a lot of folks automatically assume that an “edited” photo is an image that has completely morphed the subject into something it’s not, which is simply NOT the case the majority of the time.

      At any rate, Alexis’ eyes look a very deep blue to me. And she is soooooo stinkin’ cute! 🙂

      • Reply
        Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
        April 23, 2012 at 11:36 AM

        Exactly! If it doesn’t have red eye and drab colors, it’s been (gasp!) photoshopped! For shame!
        Hell even actual photoshopping (I.e. making someone look better)… The stuff I’ve seen newborn photographers do is brilliant. Reshape their faces with their hands (add smiles, remove frowns) and then remove the hands out of the picture. It doesn’t change how that newborn looks, it simply improves his current expression.

  • Reply
    Deanna
    April 23, 2012 at 7:26 AM

    a couple comments.

    No one has (obviously) clued you in. Once you have a child, the time speeds up. You look up one day and 3 years has past and you think to yourself….”wha? where did the time go??” and if you have a 2nd (or more) child it speeds up even faster.

    2nd comment. My son had eyes (when he was a newborn) that depending on how the light hit them looked purple. They are a weird gray/green/hazel now (weird because it just depends on his mood what color they are).

    3rd comment. Shes fricken adorable.

    • Reply
      Deanna
      April 23, 2012 at 7:29 AM

      and quite honestly….because she is on a purple rug (under her blanket) it might be a reflection from that…because her eyes ARE so blue…..

      • Reply
        Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
        April 23, 2012 at 10:23 AM

        I honestly think it’s a monitor calibration issue coupled with floor reflection more than anything. They look perfectly blue on my laptop 🙂

  • Reply
    Anne
    April 23, 2012 at 2:14 PM

    You really hit the nail on the head with this post. It all passes by incredibly fast. My 7.5-year-old was Alexis’ size just yesterday, it seems! And yes, as they get bigger, it just keeps getting more and more amazing.

  • Reply
    Anne U
    April 24, 2012 at 2:34 PM

    Oh my goodness, so much cuteness here. I know what you mean about not being emotional and not crying, that’s totally me too. But I cried too the other day when my baby boy kept giving me these sweet smiles, he makes me that happy.

  • Reply
    Kerri
    April 25, 2012 at 9:47 PM

    OMG that first photo there is just so precious! It looks like she’s saying her prayers.

  • Reply
    bs
    April 26, 2012 at 5:12 PM

    I love my babies, but it makes me nervous to hear a new mom sacrificing her work, hobbies and “me” time in a goal to reach mommy perfection. It doesn’t exist, and all moms learn sooner, hopefully than later, that if you don’t carve out time for yourself, you’re not doing anyone any favors, including your sweet baby. Don’t become a mommy martyr! You will be miserable and when mommy ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. Make sure you take care of yourself and your marriage. Pictures are wonderful, but don’t forget to BE in the moment, instead of missing the actual moments because you are behind the camera, and/or manipulating the moment to be “picture worthy.” Make sure you are enjoying the outing instead of stressing over getting the right shots.

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