Back when we were just starting out, breastfeeding was so hard, overwhelming, painful, different that I could never imagine that there would come a time when it’s no longer all those things. I always loved breastfeeding, even in pain I never thought “Oh I hate this, I want to stop”. I mean, I did when it was toe curling painful but I didn’t really mean it. I’ve always LOVED the idea of giving my baby not only sustenance but more than that: comfort and warmth and the one thing she is supposed to have for many many years, and as a mother I wanted to give it to her.
After the initial painful 8 weeks of breastfeeding (Alexis has a shallow latch), things got better, A LOT better. It didn’t hurt anymore, it was great and sweet and bonding. But it’s at 6 months when I started LOVING it. Like, looking forward to our breastfeeding sessions. I got attached, sucked in like a teenager with her first love. It must be oxytocin spreading through my body whenever I breastfeed that makes me feel that way, but I just cherish every single second of breastfeeding.
I think what brought this on is the fact that nursing is how Alexis falls asleep now. Lying in bed curled up next to me, her legs in a fetal position again my tummy, one of her arms under my breast and the other softly touching the top of it, and then she slowly drifts off, all warm and cozy and snuggled. WOW! It’s just not the feeling one can properly describe. You just have to experience it to understand.
My favorite, though, are the nights, when I put her to bed and it’s pitch dark because that’s how she likes it and the only thing that I have to concentrate on is the two of us. Probably the lack of one of the senses, sight, in the darkness is what intensifies the sense of touch, but it’s amazing!
I love breastfeeding in public. I feel proud, I feel free, I feel like I am doing my part in making breastfeeding ok, making it normal, making it what mothers do. I don’t use covers. Out of principle. Even in situations and places that even I feel a bit squirmy about having to breastfeed out in the open. I push through that silly fleeting feeling of embarrassment and {inconspicuously) feed my baby. Right there and then. When she wants it, where she wants it. Breastfeeding in public doesn’t have to be made a big deal, but it doesn’t have to be shunned.
On Instagram, a few other girls and I had a 3o days of breastfeeding challenge. We spent 30 days taking one picture a day of our babies breastfeeding (not in public, just anywhere). I loved seeing other women have sweet moments with their babies. And I think I will be speaking for all of us when I say we have gained even more appreciation for breastfeeding, more confidence in what we are doing, and less reservations.
During the day, breastfeeding takes on a different role. The challenge is to feed my baby without something else distracting her. We nurse while sitting up, we nurse standing up, lying down on the floor, swinging, hanging over her. It’s a fun time and we both love it. I think it’s important not to stress out and just let your baby do what she wants (especially if time isn’t an issue). She wants to latch on and off 10 times in a row, that’s fine. She wants to snack for a minute and come back a few minutes later for more, let her. It’s her food, she wants what she wants, she needs what she needs – there’s no reason to have power struggles. Sometimes, she would eat for a bit and then be done but continue being fussy. It took me a few days to understand what she wanted- she was thirsty. She wanted the foremilk from the first breast, and then to be switched to the other one to get its foremilk, too. She was not hungry, she didn’t need the fatty stuff, just the foremilk. That is why I feel it’s important to just let babies self-regulate when it comes to breastfeeding. We don’t know their needs, we know so little about how things work. But they know EVERYTHING, they know exactly what is necessary to grow big and strong and smart. And I love breastfeeding for that, too.
Issues:
Plugged ducts: I finally got a plugged duct a few weeks ago. I knew what it was right away because one morning I just had this hard wedge shaped lump in my breast. I didn’t really have time for warm compresses (kept trying to get to them, but you know how it is with a baby), so all I did was massage it upwards and nursed on that side frequently. And 2-3 days later it was gone.
Biting: We haven’t had too many issues with biting. She only bites when she is teething and I {try to} calmly unlatch her and put the breast away for a few minutes and give her a teether instead. She’s only bit me 3 times total, and only when she was really uncomfortable from teething. It hurts, but it doesn’t hurt any more than the initial 6 weeks of breastfeeding did, so I am ok with that.
Breastfeeding is awesome!
For all the girls out there who are pregnant or looking to get pregnant, breastfeeding is an not experience to be missed if you can help it at all. It is life changing. Your views of the world, babies, other breastfeeding mothers, breasts, nurturing, nourishment, they all change. It’s an awesome high, a hormone of love and happiness. It is not something to pass up by choice. So look forward to that! Prepare for it! Make it work! No matter what! Read up as much as you can, talk to other breastfeeding mothers, get in the right state of mind! No matter how hard it might be in the beginning, just remember that it gets AMAZING, so amazing that the possible struggles are well worth it. When I was trudging through my own 6 weeks of pain, I was told THAT by other breastfeeding mothers. I believed them but I didn’t understand, just like you won’t understand until you’re here! And it’s ok, just go on blind faith. And if it ends up not being for you, if 6 months down the line you decide it sucks, no harm done- you’ve given your baby the perfect food and the perfect bond.
Just started breastfeeding and having trouble? Read my other breastfeeding posts:
Breastfeeding Journey ***
Follow Up to Breastfeeding Journey ***
Breastfeeding Products that helped ***
Wow, so inspiring!
I really hope that if it’s gonna be really painful for me, I’ll get through it, knowing it’s gonna be really awesome one day 🙂
Hopefully you will be one of the lucky ones who gets through pain-free. I never had pain issues, except for when my milk first came in. 🙂
Only had pain in the beginning, the first 4 weeks or so. Afterwards, it’s so easy. What’s great is not having to wake up and make bottles at night. You can just feed baby in the dark and go right back to sleep. Washing bottles and Sippies is another task. Nurse for as long as possible bc bottle feeding is so inconvenient. Another thing to note is the ingredients in formula…what the f are those???
I 100% agree with all of this. I love/adore/cherish breastfeeding my almost 8 month old daughter. It’s better than I ever imagined it would be. We struggled for the first few weeks but pretty quickly got over our issues and it turned into pure bonding. I am a working mom so I only get to breastfeed about 3-4 times a day and each of those sessions are, hands down, the best part of my day. Every day. I LOVE it so much. I love how you describe your love of breastfeeding in this post. It all couldn’t be more true. When I breastfeed in public I do use a cover. And that’s ok, too. I have ginormous boobs and just don’t feel comfortable baring them in public.
Still important for moms to remember that it won’t always be a perfect experience like this. I nursed for 6 months and finally had to stop because I was spiralling deeper and deeper into a depressed state and was finally diagnosed with post-partum depression. My daugther would scream and scream and scream after each feed I felt inadequate because I couldn’t give her what she needed. Once I stopped nursing and my hormones regulated themselves, I was a new person. My daughter was also a new person too and after switching to formula, she stopped screaming after each feed. She was satisfied for the first time in her short life and started sleeping better than ever. I felt so free and human again and it really was when I started to enjoy being a mom. I am sure this isn’t a common experience, but no one warns you that this might happen!
Megan, I agree with you. I didn’t get out of the hospital before using formula. I had horrible nurses, a screaming baby and NO milk. My milk never came in, so I had no choice, but after the first bottle I felt like the mother I was supposed to be. So relieved and confident. Breastfeeding may have been nice, but I definitely look forward to and enjoy feeding my baby.
But what many people don’t realize (and the nurses should have told you!) is that it is totally normal to not have milk before you leave the hospital. My milk didn’t come in until several days after I left the hospital. Baby only needs colostrum during that time 🙂
I tried and tried and tried….after a week and my milk still hadnt come in it was time to call Dr. Formula and stop the baby from being grumpy. I should have known something was up when my boobs immediatly shrunk after I gave birth. It never did come in either……
Ahhh I love this. I feel the same way. I had a bit of trouble in the beginning, mastitis and a crack that would.not.heal. But we powered thru and I could not imagine not breastfeeding. We still have yet to start solids but I’m not sure we are going to make it to 9 months as he is getting HUNGRY and feeds multiple times a night (thank god for co sleeping). Breastfeeding is sooo empowering and I encourage every mother to bf their children!
My attitude towards breastfeeding took a 180 degree turn from when I was pregnant till now. At first, I was like “I think I’ll hate it, so I’m gonna BF for 3 months and that’s it”, than “OK, 6 months as it’s recommended by WHO”, and than I started to BF and fall completely in love and now I have no plans on when to stop, just go with the flow. A LOT of that change was thanks to what I’ve learned about breast milk and breast feeding and MOST of that is from your posts and books that you’ve recommended. Thank you.
Very intimate images
This was THE most beautiful post!
I had a really bad experience nursing my 3rd baby. We made it to a year but I was crying every single feeding. When we found out we were expecting again I prayed and prayed and prayed to have a wonderful nursing experience again and I guess my prayers were heard and my now almost 5 months old son is an awesome nurser. He falls asleep nursing just like you described. I LOVE breast feeding!!!!!!
Elena,
I’m wondering if you might say more about some of the comments you’ve gotten (positive AND negative) while nursing in public sans cover. Like you, I’d like to nurse without a cover on principal. However, I realize that I’m a little squeemish about it and would like to arm myself (mentally and perhaps, verbally) for others’ reactions. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using a cover–but I also don’t think there’s anything wrong going without one. The reason I’m drawn to going without is because of a personal campaign to desensitize people to the functional purpose of breasts. Anyway, if you are willing, I’d love to hear how you’ve armed yourself and a bit more of what I should expect. About 7 more weeks until I get to meet my baby–and I can’t WAIT to breasfeed! 🙂
Hi Katie!
Believe it or not I have not gotten any negative comments from people when they see me BFing. A few smiles that knowing smile like “aawwww how sweet!” I’ve only seen horrible negative reactions in comments to BFing blog articles out on the Internet.
I’ve tried preparing myself for a nasty comment and thinking of a comeback but I’m not angry person so I had trouble imagining snarking back at someone.
The ONLY unpleasant comment I got was from someone close, which is ironic.
If anyone really got into it with me, I’d let them have a piece of my mind but any passerby comments that I’m eventually going to get especially as Lexi still bfs when she is older, I think I’ll just smirk at and ignore.
Haha my FIL was so uncomfortable when I BFed DD in a restaurant once. I’m like why don’t u go to the restroom and eat there… Lol
I do not believe you have never received negative feedback in public re breast feeding. I am all for bring and did with all of my kids but NOT in public without a cover. I just roll my eyes in disgust at the women that bf without covers or in a restroom. It should not be tolerated they should be fined with indecent exposure!
And I in turn roll my eyes in disgust at people like you who think feeding our babies without wearing a parka is anything but natural and beautiful! I feel sorry for you that you have such an unhealthy attitude towards a female body and its functions.
Katie–There is the response you needed towards idiotic points of view on breast feeding in public. That’s what they are there for and there is no reason to be ashamed of that! Cover if you want, don’t if you don’t want to.
And for Elena, a round of applause.
Janna. Your attitude is so ludicrous that I found myself doubting that that personal account of yours is even true.
“I do not believe you have never received negative feedback in public re breast feeding. I am all for bring and did with all of my kids but NOT in public without a cover. I just roll my eyes in disgust at the women that bf without covers or in a restroom. It should not be tolerated they should be fined with indecent exposure!”
Wow! I, like Elena, haven’t experienced a lot of negative comments/glances from other people while breastfeeding in public. Especially in my town, I feel like most people are evolved enough to understand that breast were given to women for the sole purpose of feeding babies, and it is a beautiful experience for mother and child. I LOVE seeing other moms breastfeed in public! And this is why…
I’m all for being respectful of other values, and think you have just as much right to feed your child with a cover as I do without. If you are more comfortable with a cover, I respect that. It is your body. However, I think it is very closed minded of you to write something like that on this post. It is your closed mindedness, and ignorance that coverless moms like myself, Elena, and others are trying to educate.
Awesome – thank you for posting this! I breastfed my son for 11 months before he weaned himself. I have been nursing my daughter for 8 months now and even though we have had our struggles (supplementing with formula & donor milk), I still love our special time together. Keep it up Mama!
Hi! I am a new reader – I found a link to your Selfie Magic blog and I am really interested in reading more of your posts but when I click on them it says service error. Is anyone else having this problem?
Thanks!
Emily
It should be fixed in a few minutes, Emily! Thanks for the heads up!
I can’t thank you enough for this post! My baby is 2.5 weeks old, and I’ve been crying all day about breastfeeding. The first week was terribly painful, the second week things weren’t great, but they already seemed to be getting a little better. Well, that only lasted a few days. The last couple days have been terribly painful lately. I think I have a surplus of milk and my baby has a difficult time eating because I have such a fast letdown. He latches and unlatches and screams. It doesn’t help that he’s been really gassy lately. And now, all of a sudden my boobs are full, but my letdown has slowed significantly. I just don’t know what to do and I can tell that my little guy is getting frustrated which is making me frustrated too. It’s good to know it can become a happy experience one day. I just keep praying this painful phase will pass quickly. Because me and baby have both been crying a lot lately.
I’m glad this post helps! Everything you’re going through is completely NORMAL and I’ve experienced all that you are describing: fast let down, fussiness at the beast, pulling off and crying (except for gas symptoms). I was so afraid that there was a problem. There wasn’t. This is normal behavior for that age.
For gas, I’d suggest you eliminate dairy out of your diet if you hadn’t already and if that doesn’t help a few other foods known to cause problems. It takes up to 3 weeks for milk protein to leave your system , just FYI.
Keep going strong!!!!
I had a too-fast letdown at first too. I found it helped to roll the baby on top of me to let gravity keep her from choking. Might be worth a try!
That helped me too!
LOVE this post! It is so true, there really is nothing that compares to the feeling of that little warm body curled up next to yours, slowly drifting off to sleep as they nurse. It took 10 weeks for me to get through cracks, blisters, and painful letdown, but I am SO glad that we got through! I wouldn’t miss this experience for the world!
You mentioned that Alexis nurses to sleep. I was wondering, has she always nursed to sleep or was this a development for her? My baby used to fall into a pretty deep sleep nursing during the first four weeks, but lately seems to just become a little drowsy.
She always sort of nursed before bed but until recently you had to rock her as well. She now falls asleep in bed while nursing which is Much Easier.
I just hit 13 months of nursing! I love it, and hope to keep going as long as he is interested. We are starting to taper off, but we still have about 4 times a day, and twice at night.
I also had a very difficult first 6 weeks and would not have survived without attending a support group at my hospital. Don’t forget the weight loss benefits! At the end of my year breastfeeding, I weighed 4 lbs less than I did when I got pregnant, despite eating like a horse for the entire year!
I had a really difficult time nursing my first, mastitis 4x in 4 weeks ha totally dried my milk up and even my lactation consulted recommended I quit. I was disappointed but my baby was happy on formula and is still my healthiest. I was only able to nurse my second for 4 month to the day. But the third, my sweet little surprise, I have fallen in love with nursing and its been so effortlessly easy this time! Each time he snuggles in to nurse its just indescribably. I think it might partially be the fact that we were told a third child would never happen for us, or the oxytocin, either way its just pure enjoyment.
Ps to anyone reading this, my first two I had stricter feeding schedules, this baby I’m feeding on demand, soooo much easier! And I think one of the main reasons its been so successful this time. Just an FYI to all who might think scheduling is better. He also almost always eats every three hours unless he’s thirsty or especially tired. And I adore the fact that I get to spend 10 minutes snuggling him while he drifts off to sleep!! Instead of laying him down and just walking out. 🙂
I’ve never used a cover to nurse in public and at 14 months ive never gotten a single negative comment. I usually don’t tandem nurse in public, but the times I have at the doctors I’ve only gotten positive comments from the nurses.
I worked really really hard to be able to nurse my twins after a rough start and I’m so thankful I stuck with it an had the support of my family. It has been an amazing experience and one that I will cherish always.
Love this post, I loved BFing, it really is hard work at first, but SSOOO worth it. Also I am impressed with the no cover, I used a cover if I was in front of anyone other than my sisters, mom, or husband and the few times I didn’t, I did get dirty looks. I remember being so…hurt. Although my breast are on the large side, it just seems so wrong for women to be judge by doing what is best for their child.
Hi if u still remember im dr. Nurul from malaysia. I love ur post. Believe me i am muslim and wearing a hijab. Even though i am not embarassing to bf in t public without putting the cover. Sometimes i saw many mother in msia they felt sooooo embarassing n let the baby hungry just to find the nursing room to bf… What the……?…. For me i bf anywhere as long my baby sara same age with alexis want her food. She is fully bf somemore is directed, no bottle feeding n no cup. I felt so happy n proud ur goal to bf until 2year. In islam we also say in our holly book quran to bf until 2 years. Tq
We’re just about to hit a year of breastfeeding (ahhh! my baby!) and I love it, too. I nurse in public all the time and have never used a cover. For a while I’d sort of drape a burp cloth over my shoulder, but once my son was a few months old, it was too much of a distraction, so I ditched it.
I’ve also never had anyone say anything nasty to me, no matter what Janna up there may think. I’ve definitely gotten some doubletakes, and once there were a couple of young women at the next table over at Bob Evans who were kind of snickering together, but they didn’t actually address me. Mostly people just leave me alone, which is just fine.
Thanks for sharing your experience so honestly- new moms do need be prepared both for how hard breastfeeding is at first and how much better it gets. I exclusively pumped for 8 months before I could get my son to eat from the breast- not a normal experience but it was ours nonetheless. He is now 16 months old and stull nursing like there is no tomorrow. I was so happy when I could finally put my pump away and experience what I had always heard about.
A few words of wisdom, from my experience:
1. Best way to get rid of a clogged duct quickly: nurse on all fours, with affected breast dangling over baby, preferably with baby’s chin pointed toward clog. Totally awkward, but really works!
2. I got a nipple shield in the hospital because my baby simply couldn’t latch on at first. Although the use of a nipple shield is controversial, it really helped us and without it we may not have been able to breastfeed. I weaned my baby from it around 4-6 weeks without a problem and he’s still a breastfeeding champ @ 8 months!
Yes! You’re right! I did that with the plugged duct and it definitely works.
So did the shields. I had to use them for a few months.
Great post! My son is 18 months old and I still BF. He only will do it in the mornings but I’ve completely enjoyed the experience. I applaud any mama who stands strong to combat negative and illogical comments about BFing in general or in public. I just don’t get why some people get so upset! There are people walking around in public with low cut tops and skimpy skirts, but for some reason BFing my child is a big freaking deal! It completely bewilders me how unaccepting people can be given how natural and wonderful and GOOD for your child BFing is. I get even more bewildered when it is women and mothers who are the one spouting out nonsense about covering up or how gross it is. I mean..COME ON!
I am so glad to have been able to provide mothers milk to my son now for 18 months. I feel like our time to end is coming soon as he seems less and less interested in it, 🙁 but I am glad to have been able to go as long as I have.
That’s what blows my mind too, that it’s mothers who are disgusted at the idea of BFing. What happened with girl power and female empowerment?
I am hoping soon I can get my son back on the breast more often. He has never had formula, but since I’ve gone back to work, he does not like to nurse, except through the night when he’s sleepy, and prefers the faster flow of the bottle of expressed milk.
Posts like this help me keep going. Even when I hate pumping 6 times a day. I am home with my son 4 days a week and we have been nursing less and less. I want to love it, but I feel a little rejected. I can’t watch him scream because my let down isn’t immediate. Congrats on having such a wonderful experience.
How old is your son, Bridget?
This is a beautiful post. Breastfeeding has been a wonderful experience for me. Yes, the beginning was painful both times, but once that subsided, I loved every minute of it. I nursed my son for just under 16 months and my daughter just under 18 months. I nursed them all over the place, at amusement parks, running through airports, at church, at the mall, at restaurants. I typically used a cover because they would commonly unlatch and sit up and look around laving me completely exposed, but I don’t have a problem when I see women nursing their babies without a cover.
I am 25 weeks pregnant with my third baby now and I am so looking forward to nursing him. It is just a special time! Especially when they get a little older and are so so busy and running around, nursing was the only chance I would get to just sit and be still and look into my babies eyes and have a few minutes with just me and them. I loved it so much and missed it after they weaned, I can not wait to do it again!!
I know exactly how you feel with loving to BF. I truly did, but unfortunately once I went back to work full time we decided to switch to formula. I really wish I was able to go longer. Hopefully with #2 (one day) Ill be able to put more effort into pumping for when I go back to work.
the sweet life of a southern wife
Great post, Elena, and I LOVE your redesign. 🙂 Thanks for inviting me to do the 30daysofbreastfeeding challenge…it was fun! Lillian is 16 1/2 months old and I’m still breastfeeding on demand with no end in sigh! She still nurses to sleep for every nap and every night, too. I don’t use a cover in public, mainly because she wants to nurse (even if it’s little sips) SO OFTEN that it would get ridiculous to whip out a cover every time. I just keep my hand ready, and when she pops off, I slip my top back up super fast. Nobody has ever given me grief about it!
My little one is just 8 days old now and he’s doing great so far. At 6 days old he was almost at his birth weight already (lost about 10 oz from birth to discharge).
What do you do with friends/family who express their discomfort with bfing without a cover? I double checked with my friend about her husband’s comfort level (thankfully he was okay with it). I know my dad still feels awkward and my brother as well (as long as baby is latched and I’m mostly covered, my dad is okay though). Did you have people who were like that but just got better with it over time?
Congratulations Allyssa! I hope your birth was wonderful!
If I’m in a mixed company of friends I usually warn people who are “new” that I am about to breastfeed. If they are comfortable I proceed. If not ( and that has never happened ), I give them a chance to step out.
Oh that being said, when I speak about BFing in public I am talking about the times when we had the whole BF thing down. In the early days of fumbling with a baby and her latch, I’d definitely go somewhere private because my boob would just be out there while I attempt to get her to latch.
Now, you couldn’t see anything if you wanted to
Thanks for reminding me to “trudge through” until ti gets better. As a soon to be first time momma, I need all the encouragement I can get!
Reading this is SO very encouraging for me.
My girl is 9 weeks old and the first 8 weeks were pretty terrible I won’t lie! Like your daughter she had a very shallow latch (tongue tie and lip tie) we got both laser cut and it made it easier but there is still pain every now and then.
But the time spent with her is indescribable. I would suffer for her any day. I’m sure you know exactly what I mean!
Thanks for this post!
I loved this post. Thank you.
I am a 1st time mom to an amazing 61/2month old baby boy. Prior to delivery all i knew was that i was going to give breast feeding a shot. No ideas as to how long I would continue. I had difficulty, just like many moms, my milk took extra long to come in and it was extremely painful for weeks. Then when I started figuring that piece out he started screaming thru every single feeding. I struggled for weeks trying to figure out what to do. I was at my wits end so many times and thought maybe it would be better for him to be on formula. There was pressure from EVERYONE to switch. I spent many days crying. Then i got a hold of the lactation consultant in our area and she was the support I needed. We still had a few more tough weeks after that but at each appointment she gave me the strength I needed to stick with it. I eventually cut dairy completely out of my diet and it made all the difference. Now, I LOVE breast feeding and I am so happy that i stuck it out. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but worth every moment.
I am surrounded by people who do not have the same beliefs towards breast feeding. Very few people I know breast feed and it is posts and blogs like this that make me feel connected to other mothers with the same beliefs. I am so proud to be part of this wonderful group of women.
Thanks for sharing your story
I could have wrote this myself! We are at a little over 7 months of breastfeeding. In the beginning it was so hard and so painful, i almost quit. I pushed through because i truly did not want to quit. I am so happy i stuck through it and like you said, actually look forward to nursing her now! I love that time with her. Hopefully we’ll make it to a year and beyond! Glad you are still happily nursing!
My son is 6 weeks old today and I found your posts a couple nights ago. We have been through the ringer with breastfeeding. My boy had a posterior tongue tie that no paediatricians could see, until I took him to a Family doc who soecialized in clipping tongue ties. He also had a very small mouth and a recessive chin. My milk was incredibly slow to come in – like completely came in at 3 weeks after domperidone. So unfortunately I had to supplement. But, during that time I would pump 10-12 times a day to get my supply going and let my nipples heal. I tried it all: supplemental nursing systems (plural), nipple shields, pumping, hand expressing, medications, herbs, teas, diet changes and now we are here at 6 weeks still going! I haven’t supplemented since the third week and I’m slowly tapering off the meds, herbs, and teas. We are now battling thrush, but with all the obstacles we have faced, thrush seems minor. I read this blog as well as the breastfeeding journey blog almost everyday to encourage myself that I am not alone, and that although my nipples are still healing, I am not alone in my pain. Thank you so much for sharing your story; it has made me more determined than ever!
And thank you for such a sweet message! 🙂