Guess where we are and what we are doing…

I know I am technically on a break this month, but I couldn’t help but share this cute little video of Ms Lexi jumping into the water. Over and over again.

My little 15 months old water baby is enjoying herself and the surroundings at the Marriott in Palm Beach. Give her a body of water and a new environment and she’s one happy baby. I think it won’t be long till she’s going to be diving head first into that water πŸ™‚

Tomorrow we’re driving to Miami for a few more days of our rest week and then it’s June and I’ve got a quite few posts scheduled.

Palm Beach Singer Island_20130525__00001

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  • Reply
    May 28, 2013 at 10:35 PM

    I love her!!! I have my little one in swim lessons (she’s a month younger than Lexi) and she is nowhere near jumping in the water, haha! She likes it, but Lexi is fearless! Love, love, love the video!

    I bought the video editing software you said you use (Vegas Studio) and I can’t figure out how to silence my own talking to add the music? I’d love to be able to do videos the way you do them. I think I figured out how to add music, but I can’t seem to silence myself and background noise to make the music more audible.

    Love the video and enjoy your vaca!!!! You deserve it!

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      May 28, 2013 at 11:05 PM

      Hahaha! Thanks! Andrew and I adore this video, too. Lexi is so much fun in new environments. The jumping started from standing on the edge, and then all of a sudden she started doing it while running.

      Re: Sony Vegas, there are several sound tracks on the timeline. Your recorded video sound is one, the music you add should go onto a new track. SO silence a track, you just hit the little mute button on the track ( at the very beginning). It looks like a circle with a line through it. It will shade that track and “mute” it.

  • Reply
    May 28, 2013 at 11:05 PM

    It’s crazy how she just lets herself go into your arms when she’s near the side of the pool ! She’s not one bit afraid to fall !

  • Reply
    May 28, 2013 at 11:07 PM

    Thank you!! She’s a doll. It’s a blast experiencing the world all over again through your child’s eyes! It’s a lot of fun for me to read your blog because my daughter is so close in age to Lexi. πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    May 28, 2013 at 11:58 PM

    My girl is the exact same way – runs and jumps into the water. She loves it so much! We’ve had her in swim class since she was 6 months (live in the Midwest so no pool at home) and she’s a little fish. She’ll twist out of my arms in 6ft deep water to “swim” kicking her feet and paddling her hands. Scary for me but she loves it!

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      May 29, 2013 at 12:15 PM

      Ha! That’s exactly what Lexi does. She wants me to let go of her in the water. She doesn’t paddle with her hands, though, just her legs.

  • Reply
    Katie J
    May 29, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    Such a cutie. I’m looking forward to so baby pool in the yard action with my (ahh!) almost 6 month old. They grow up so fast! Also-where did you find a romper long enough for your torso? It looks so cute. I can never find one long enough and you’ve got an inch over me!

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      May 29, 2013 at 4:07 PM

      No way your little one is almost 6 months!!!!
      I’ll look at the brand for the romper I can’t remember now. You’re right now rompers ever fit me. Even this one has to have the belt worn a bit higher to make it work.

  • Reply
    May 29, 2013 at 1:19 PM

    I grew up on the water and my parents always enforced the “1, 2, 3, jump rule” so that’s what we taught our kids. No jumping until the count of 3, that way we don’t have to worry about any unexpected jumps πŸ™‚

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      May 29, 2013 at 2:01 PM

      That’s a good idea. I’ll definitely try this when she is older and understands the danger and has the self control to wait. For now I just want her enjoy the water as much as possible while she has me there watching her at all times without putting fear of water or falling into her.

      • Reply
        May 30, 2013 at 1:16 AM

        We started our little guy at 4 months in a saline pool. The instructor told us to always do 1-2-3 before having him ‘jump’ (at that age you basically pull them in). Before too long he would lean in as soon as I would count for him. It was a good way to prep him that he was about to enter the water & he has continued that habit of counting before jumping in. She’s a smart girl, she can figure it out.

        • Reply
          Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
          May 30, 2013 at 7:57 AM

          I used to do 1,2,3 water when I’d pour water over her head or go underwater. To prepare her for it.

          Obviously here preparation isn’t an issue because she isn’t afraid but I can guarantee that 1,2,3 jump won’t keep her from walking/jumping into the water on her own. She’d still do it if she wanted to. It will just come into play later when self control appears. Right now it’d simply be a game. I’ll probably incorporate it next time for the game sake but I do not think it will do anything for safety until she can control her impulses.

          • Tawny
            May 30, 2013 at 2:59 PM

            Yeah, we started all 3 kids at 8 months and they all got it pretty quickly. Plus, it helped with counting…BONUS! Perhaps it is different with one kid, but like I’ve commented before, my husband is a surgeon and gone all the time and we have 3 kids under 5 (had 3 under 3 for a while, phew) and I like to take them to the pool by myself so I have to have some pretty concise structure for safety purposes. My kiddos are SO fearless that without the boundaries I would be flying to all ends of the pool lol!

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            May 30, 2013 at 3:05 PM

            Oh now I didn’t even think about that part. When you have multiple kiddos you have to do whatever you can to get them them not to jump in without your prior “consent”. Totally makes sense.
            It’s pretty easy with one though. She’s the center of any trip to the pool πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    May 30, 2013 at 10:55 AM

    Maybe, like you said, making it a ‘game’ for her will be fun and silly as far as she’s concerned and safety for you? Never too early to start teaching them to be safe! Also, I would have been so nervous with her running to the pool! That can get so slippery when it’s wet. But knowing what I do about miss Lexi, she doesn’t walk; she runs!

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      May 30, 2013 at 11:30 AM

      That’s what I’m saying regarding safety though. Until there’s self control the only way to inhibit reckless behavior is fear and fear is the last thing I want to instill in her at this point. I’m not concerned about safety at this time because regardless of what you do you cannot take your eyes off of them for a second when around water . So it’s simply a false sense of safety.

      • Reply
        May 30, 2013 at 9:29 PM

        Oh, see I don’t look at it as a false sense of safety, or instilling fear. I would think if you make it a game and something fun and silly now, similar to saying “arms up up up!” when changing her, it’ll become part of the routine as she grows. That’s how I thought of it anyway.

      • Reply
        May 30, 2013 at 10:53 PM

        After reading several comments (I am trying to get some ideas on getting my child into the water) I have a question about the self control – why do you say that it “appears”? Isn’t it something that develops over time with the help of us, parents, setting boundaries? Is it an AP position that self control is not learned, and if so, then at what point is it starting to “appear” ? I understand that, of course, babies are not born with impulse control, more over, I think it does not actually develop fully till after puberty (teenagers do not have good impulse control either), but I have always understood that it is something we learn to do as we grow and mature, and it starts very early with following the rules, respecting boundaries, etc….

  • Reply
    May 30, 2013 at 4:24 PM

    I don’t think anyone is suggesting that 1,2,3 is a substitute for watching your baby like a hawk around water (or anywhere for that matter) but children learn safety awareness incrementally and it doesn’t hurt to start as soon as you can. I mean, I’m sure you say “hot” around the stove, doesn’t mean you’re going to leave her unattended next to it! From what you say, Lexi has good receptive language skills, if she can understand “jump”, she can understand “1,2,3 jump”, surely. I’m not sure how you think teaching her an awareness of danger is instilling fear, it’s showing her that there are “rules’ in life, including rules for keeping yourself safe. Also, you need to remember that she won’t suddenly wake up one day and have self control, she’s going to develop it in the context of the boundaries that you set for her. πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    May 30, 2013 at 4:27 PM

    That video is so cute!!

  • Reply
    Caity Garness
    May 31, 2013 at 12:23 AM

    Cracks me up to see you in the 4′ 5″ pool. I would literally be under water! Haha!

  • Reply
    May 31, 2013 at 11:46 AM

    How did you first introduce going underwater with Lexi? My little (10 mo) girl loves the water, puts her face in on her own, but I haven’t gone underwater because I have been afraid she will ingest water. Any suggestions?

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      May 31, 2013 at 3:11 PM

      She always loved water and would put her face into it at 6 months ( and then come out coughing and freaked out a bit lol), so after reading this book about teaching babies to swim, I started introducing her to holding her breath in the bath, but doing 1,2,3 water and pouring water over her head. She now holds her breath when she knows she’ll go underwater ( we don’t really go underwater often or for longer than a few seconds).

      So I would start with 1,2,3 water and then slowly do the same in the pool (after reading the book of course to make sure you’re doing it right).

      This reminds me to pick up the whole underwater thing again, I kind of stopped doing it and forgot about teaching her further when it got cold here.

  • Reply
    May 31, 2013 at 12:19 PM

    Children are always learning, as you know. I agree with above poster, to make it a game to teach her.
    Isn’t it fun to have a water baby!?

  • Reply
    Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
    May 31, 2013 at 3:06 PM

    I’ll comment in this one post regarding a few things said above, so that I don’t have to leave several comments separately, so this is sort of an answer to Serena, Irina and Corrine. (parts of it anyways).

    I have absolutely no problems with the 1,2,3 jump method, like I said we used to use it to prepare her for going underwater or pouring water over her head while bathing and will continue using it for other things. I think it’s a fine method to “possibly” curb some of the enthusiasm about jumping in the water without your permission.

    One of the reasons I don’t care to use something like that because for a 15 months year old, while she perfectly understands that she needs to jump when I say jump, she absolutely does not have the self-control necessary at this age to NOT jump without the rhyme if she wanted to.

    Meaning, if i had my back on her and she got it into her head to jump, she will not even think to wait for me to say it. That’s what toddlers do. They often don’t listen to what you tell them to do, and especially not to do.

    So I would not rely on this method to keep her away from the pool, but maybe use it as a game instead like Corinne said, but in that case it’s nothing but a game.
    I do think that in situations like Tawny described where you have 3 kids and hubby away, you need ANYTHING and everything to maybe give you one extra second, so it’s a method that worked for her, though I am sure she still kept her eyes on all under 3 years old at all times.
    One thing is for a toddler to understand what you’re saying ( and boy does she), but another thing is to actually act or not act on it.

    As far as self-control, i am not sure what AP says about it (I don’t exactly go by everything AP. I do what makes sense to me based on reading I’ve done), but from all the developmental books that I’ve read, self control in a toddler (while it does develop over a course of many years) can’t really be relied upon or expected when it comes to safety till 3 years of age ( don’t quote me on that number, but it was way beyond 15 months lol). So I would rather teach her self-control on things around the house, where I might overlook something (like a hot stove), than a pool where I am there with her at all times. She’ll be able to apply that self-control at the pool when she is ready.

    Now the fear part:, obviously 1,2,3 jump has nothing to do with fear. Where fear comes in that in many situations before your baby can curb his impulses well enough, there are two ways that I can think of that you can ensure safety: watch them or play the danger/fear card.

    In certain situations, the fear is absolutely necessary and welcome. However, in some instances it’s actually detrimental for them in the long run ( as far as I am concerned, some people might not mind their kids with adult issues).
    Because babies’ brains don’t have logic and work mostly on the emotional primal level, everything that happens in the first 2-3 years of life gets wired into their brains and seeded deeply into their emotional core. That’s why so many therapists work out childhood issues with people. Things ( even seemingly harmless things) that happen that early on can leave a big impression on a baby/toddler. Negative emotions like shame/fear can stay with them subconsciously. I am sure everyone has something that they feel uncomfortable about in their life but don’t know why. It’s those events in childhood that make them feel that way. Whether it’s parents shaming them about nudity or sex, or yelling at them for pooping on the floor, making fun of peeing their pants, or even something absolutely harmless or wellmeaning.

    Of course things like “don’t touch the hot stove” won’t likely leave a lasting effect on the baby ( though who knows our brains and emotional centers are funny, and that person later would subconsciously avoid cooking lol), but it’s not something I see as a big deal. However, when it comes to water, I want there to be no irrational fear (note I said irrational) that is stemming from something we did or scared her into early on. ( and babies can get scared very easily by even using a stern tone or a worried expression if the situation is right)
    So right now while she is young and has a mommy and a daddy to look after her every move, I would much rather her enjoy the water recklessly, splash, jump, swim while I am there to catch her. I want her to feel good about it. Once she’s a little bit older and actually plays in the water by herself, we are going to give her more strict instructions as to how to enter the pool, etc. But for now, I can tell her till I am blue in the face that she isn’t to jump till I say so, she will if she wants to.

    Again, like I said the 1,2,3, jump is a great game to get them to anticipate the event and learn to jump on command, but it only teaches them WHEN to jump, not when NOT to jump.

    {Whew, i just spent way too much of my time writing it all out, so i don’t think I’ll be making any follow up comments.}

    • Reply
      May 31, 2013 at 4:24 PM

      Wow, that is a really long answer πŸ™‚

    • Reply
      May 31, 2013 at 9:46 PM

      Whew! I watched the video- so cute! So looking forward to going to FL in just a few weeks!

      I agree w. you about toddlers not having self control- BUT it is so helpful to be able to buy that few seconds! In the video, there is this part where Lexi is trying to climb up on the table and you shake you head “no” and she gets down. Of course, you are going to have to say “No” again in two minutes probably, but that is the way that it goes.

      That is what I think folks above are talking about. Right there, when you were able to tell her “No” and she stopped- that is obviously super helpful. You didn’t have to get out of the pool and physically remove her from the table. She was able to listen and obey. I really don’t think that you gave her an irrational fear of tables, you just taught her to follow rules for her own safety. At this point, she doesn’t know that she could fall off the table and break her head. She would not understand about drowning. Right now, she is capable of learning to obey you, and it looks like she is doing a great job of that, based on watching the video!

      • Reply
        Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
        June 1, 2013 at 12:26 AM

        Yes, but simply saying no is different than sternly warning her about falling into the pool (which she wouldn’t process on any other level but fear level) or coming up with a game which would prepare her for jumping in the water but won’t keep her FROM jumping until she can process why she should wait to hear JUMP. She obviously jumps in just fine and the cognition to process the reasoning won’t develop for a bit.

        In the case of the video I have no need to say no to her jumping because I am actually trying to get her to jump and have fun. So I don’t think the commenters were talking about saying no. From what I understood we were discussing using techniques to teach them to ONLY jump on command and not any other time. Which like I said wont work until the self control develops to a sufficient level or login kicks in. Not sure what would come first.

        She definitely listens to no when it’s something that is potentially dangerous. She might be fun and active but I can always see she senses danger and sees in my face when it’s truly something I’m trying to warn her about.

        (Btw good eye spotting that head shake on my part when she started climbing on the table lol)

        • Reply
          June 1, 2013 at 1:38 PM

          Yikes! I caused some kind of spiral, lol. So sorry! For my kids, it wasn’t about fear or even obeying me, it was to make it a habit and it was purely “game like”. They caught on well before a year that you don’t jump in until 3. Now, climbing down the ladder was a different story BUT our pool has steps for them to wade on so that wasn’t too much of an issue πŸ™‚ My kids really are quite fearless but I like structure and so do they. I can only speak for myself, it was simply a suggestion (and a valuable one in my opinion). Just like holding my hand is must when out and about. I think making those habits very clear early on stopped me from having “darters”…I can’t imagine chasing all of my kids in different directions lol. Ahhhhh!

          • Corinne
            June 1, 2013 at 8:11 PM

            I completely agree! With everything. It develops a habit, and a good one at that.

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            June 2, 2013 at 12:40 AM

            Again, I wasn’t talking about fear in reference to what you’re doing. It was more of an aside thing I was musing on. Like I said, i do 1,2,3 water in other instances. I think what you said is valid, I was more talking about other follow up comments and musing on self-control and how I approach things…

  • Reply
    May 31, 2013 at 8:34 PM

    Cracks me up to see Lexi running and jumping into that pool! I’ve been following you since you had her and it’s crazy to see how big she is!

  • Reply
    June 1, 2013 at 6:14 PM

    What a beautiful little girl! I can’t wait to take my 13 month old son to the pool this summer! He’s already such a little fishy!

  • Reply
    June 3, 2013 at 6:37 AM

    FYI- this got waaay longer than I could have imagined. something struck a chord in me!

    This whole parenting thing is amusing/annoying all at once. A lot of people out there have this “child must obey parent at all times!” mentality. I don’t know everything AP (although many of my friends label me as that), but I have always tried to instill a two-way relationship with my son where I listen to his opinion instead of trying to mold and force how he should think. I’ve watched friends handle things completely different and I’ve been watching the outcomes (3.5 years in so far!). I try to only say no or stop him from doing things when it actually matters or it is an element I cannot easily control. Irritating behavior like hitting tv buttons can easily be controlled by baby proofing! We bought a plastic strip to cover the buttons and it became a non-issue. I find this important because when I do say no/stop, he (usually) knows its important and listens. I say it to protect him from hurting himself and he learned very early on. If you say no to EVERY MUNDANE THING, they stop listening!! I’ve seen the whole tv button thing play out right in front of me. We baby proofed while my neighbor slapped her kid’s hand and told him no. Guess what? 2 years later, the tv thing is STILL an issue for them. We haven’t had to think about it in a long time and the hand slap has now progressed to a butt pop- not working folks!

    I’m not saying my child always listens or that he is perfect. But I do see how much more relaxed play dates are at my house and how my child hears me say no and pauses so I can tell him why it’s dangerous. He didn’t always listen, but learned very young that my “no” had a reason behind it. (No, don’t run on the slippery tile bc you might fall, then he falls, I pick him up, and talked about why running on slippery floors was not good). I don’t like natural consequences, but it happens sometimes. If you say “no” all the time about every little thing, children stop trusting the word “no!”

    Re: water. FFS people! A 15 month old is a little young to be doing water safety. This whole “well I have 10 kids and zero help” excuse, followed by belittling you (Elena) really gets old. Guess what? I have 1 child who is 3 and it’s for a reason. He takes all of my attention and efforts- plus whoever else is with us (dad, grandma, uncle, etc). We have purposefully waited because I knew how much work kids take the first few years. I didn’t want to be pregnant and then have a new baby while he was still so needy. Primitive societies space out kids also for this very reason! I know twins happen as do accidental pregnancies, but most moms I know claim to have baby fever when their child is 1. I was still nursing several times a day when he was 1, so perhaps that held off the baby fever? Idk. Either way, my kid always had 4 or more eyeballs directly on him whenever we were away from home and I never left him alone while i was in another room.

    We waited and planned to have a baby. My husband waited until he was at a point in his career that he could put more effort into his family. I just don’t feel bad for people who pop out a ton of kids and then complain! I feel like people do not fully understand the task of raising a child. Or maybe they do, but they feel doing less is just fine. As you mentioned before, most therapy is dealing with childhood issues. When a wife cheats, the root is in the childhood somewhere. When a father never expresses his love, it’s deep seeded. These are the big things we know about, but what about the little things? Like spacing children too close together? Or sticking babiesin daycare for 10 hours? How much does that affect a person’s self-esteem? You can’t say it doesn’t matter, because it really does. I know my son will not remember fingerprinting or helping me dust or swinging as a toddler. It’s the relationship that I’m creating that will affect him most.

    Ive got judged by some saying that I was being overprotective. I don’t see it like that at all. I don’t mind taking a nap with him or reading a book while he sleeps next to me. It’s far better than him waking up and getting into mischief like so many of my friends complain about. I don’t believe that babies/toddlers are meant to be left alone. My son has never had independence issues and I didn’t have any anxiety/sadness when he started preschool. He happily went to school and I knew he would do great bc we have a trusting, two-way relationship. I didnt place him in a stranger’s care (relatively speaking) until he could talk and tell me about his day. I value his personality and his ideas- he knows this. I’m not his dictator. I’m his mother and its my job to GUIDE him in life.

    • Reply
      June 3, 2013 at 11:43 AM

      Hey Rachel, is the air a little thin up there on your high horse? Gosh it’s really, really so fantastic that you were able to have self-control and WAIT to have a baby and just limit yourself to ONE child while being surrounded by women who spew out children left and right and have DARED to teach their kids a few boundaries.

      Before you post another long-winded rant about people having too many kids too fast, I ask that you consider that not everyone’s situation is exactly like yours. I have a close friend who has struggled with infertility, and she considers herself EXTREMELY blessed to have a 19-month-old and twins on the way. I have another friend who has 1-year-old twins and is now accidentally pregnant with a 3rd. Not everything in life can be planned and controlled.

      Things happen. Life is messy sometimes. I ask that you would stop judging everyone whose situation looks a little different from yours and open your mind to the idea that MAYBE parenting can look differently for different people.

      • Reply
        June 3, 2013 at 2:59 PM

        FYI, Rachel, I DO have twins. They are amazing and wonderful and definitely unplanned AND my husband had a vasectomy right afterwards because we were done and guess what!!! I got pregnant again, definitely not planned. It happens. My children are my everything…and I really don’t even understand where your comment came from. Offering a suggestion that someone maybe hadn’t thought of because you have experience isn’t belittling. I have followed this blog from the get go and have enjoyed most of Elena’s posts and have always commented respectfully. And to not like natural consequence? Uh, what? That is the best kind of consequence! That is how we learn! Man oh man, relax!

        • Reply
          June 3, 2013 at 3:51 PM

          Twins are not a “problem” and you obviously completely misses where I was going with all of this.

          This is the Elena blog, not GOMI or Dear Abby. I get it that you were coming from a nice place, but when has she ever done anything half-asses? It is irritating when moms like the ones who commented after you, try to warn moms like Elena (and myself) just bc we don’t believe a 15 month old needs a bunch of rules to follow!

          I will never understand why commenters want to reply with “constructive criticism” especially when advice is not solicited. Also, what we see on here is a mere glimpse in her life.

          Just because people have twins or have children closely spaced and they make it work does not mean that it is optimal. My brother and I are 13 months apart and my best friend is a twin. Both of our moms readily say it was HARD and they had to make less than optimal choices. Besides, you took that all completely wrong. It’s not that moms CAN’T do a good job with kids close in age. It is that many of them use it as an excuse to have these ridiculous strict schedules and piles of rules bc it makes life easier for mom. Then the comeback is that “life is all about rules and structure” crap. People, like myself, disagree with conventional society and believe it is healthier to do live life more relaxed.

          Sorry for the misunderstanding. I wasn’t angling at you at all, it was the ones who commented after you.

          • Mona
            June 3, 2013 at 8:34 PM

            If “constructive criticism” was not solicited, than Elaina would close her comments section

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            June 4, 2013 at 8:20 AM

            That is an absolutely wrong assumption (as most assumptions are). And this one is specifically disturbing because by your definition any blogger out there who has a blog with a comment section is actually looking/soliciting for criticism and one is invited to say any ridiculous thing that they would never say face to face. that’s just wrong.
            Bloggers blog for themselves and their readers/supporters. I personally keep the comment section up for two reasons alone: to interact with my readers and to give a place for them to write to me if they wish to because I know many do.

            If it were up to me I’d actually close off the comment section on most posts because it takes a significant amount of my time to read and then respond to them and some comments are coming from the wrong place in the readers mind.
            I am not sure what makes people think that I even care to read what they think I SHOULD do when it comes to parenting because rarely have I actually asked a person’s opinion/advice in the post, otherwise I have always indicated that I am confident in how I do things.
            However comments like Tawny’s simply sharing what SHE does with her kids are perfectly fine as far as I am concerned.
            It’s when it goes into the “let me tell you how you should parent YOUR daughter, Elena” that stumps me because I would never presume I have the right to go into one’s space and tell them they are doing their thing wrong and should do it differently. That’s just laughable and clueless in my opinion.

          • Mona
            June 4, 2013 at 5:14 PM

            I view constructive critics as a good thing. But you are a bit contradictory: you say the comments section is for you to interact wit your readers, and have them write to you, but then you say you would close the comments section if it was up to you (which, isn’t it?) because it takes a significant amount of time to read and respond.

            Anyways, I find the comments section beneficial to readers and blog writers as a way to share our experiences as parents. We’re all in this together!

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            June 4, 2013 at 5:43 PM

            Very little on the Internet is constructive in my opinion.
            And no not contradictory at all, I would close it it was just me and no readers. But I keep it open for the followers, not for me.

          • Corinne
            June 4, 2013 at 7:41 AM

            As Elena has mentioned before, putting her life out there for people to read, she opens herself up to all sorts of comment and opinions. Sometimes, people make suggestions and Elena has tried them. Other times, when she doesn’t agree, she’s either ignored the comment or she’s explained why she chooses not to try it.

            While some of the comments above may not have been made with the kindest intentions, others were. And I’m sure over the years, Elena has learned not the let these comments get to her.

            Everyone has different parenting styles and philosophies and what works for one family may not work for others. Just like the article Daily Mom Facebook linked to last night. Some people choose to have children close together, and some choose to space them out a few years. That doesn’t make either of them wrong. And that doesn’t mean neither of them are allowed to complain about the difficult times. I know I’ve complained about difficult times with my 1 child, as has Elena. There are gong to be things that are harder with children close in age, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have chosen it or that they don’t get the right to vent about it.

            I’m not going to say “you shouldn’t say this or that” because I’ve done that here before and have been told “everyone is entitled to their opinions” and they are. These are just my opinions in reference to your comments.

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            June 4, 2013 at 8:39 AM

            As Corinne mentioned above, this post sums everything up and is a perfect explanation why one should never give unsolicited advice or criticism to parents without knowing exactly what their situation and their baby is like.

        • Reply
          Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
          June 3, 2013 at 6:53 PM

          I didn’t take your comment badly AT ALL (i know that you’ve always been respectful and commented many many times before, so I didn’t take your comment wrong), and neither did Rachel. The way I read her comment was that she was specifically replying to some other comments after yours (and also accepting the fact that multiples and accidental pregnancies happen, but saying that planned pregnancies that are too close together are the issue).

      • Reply
        June 3, 2013 at 3:06 PM

        Yes, I’d venture to say the majority of families out there are not twins or advanced maternal age IVF babies.

        • Reply
          June 3, 2013 at 10:48 PM

          I was going back and forth about commenting, but I think that this discussion (ahem…argument) may benefit from another point of view and may be Rachel you can look at this in a little broader context. I am not “disturbed” by your comment in any way, and it does not “hit a nerve” or make me question my choices, I am just offering you another perspective. I am an “advanced maternal age” mom who has an 18 mo old and is about to have another one in about a month. I too waited to have children to the point, when I was ready to take on all the responsibilities of being a parent and we planned both babies. It just means a little different thing for me: I work full time and my children will be in day care. In this day and age it is very difficult to have a one-income family, plus I am the primary earner and the health is tied to my job. I do not have an option of not working. I love and enjoy my child, and spend all my non-working moments with her, and it never entered my mind that I am in any way less of a parent that someone who is home or spacing the children out more than 19mo. I do not buy into mommy wars and refuse to entertain parental guilt, as this is just silly at my age πŸ™‚ and unproductive.

          No one should be saying NO all the time, it dilutes the meaning of it, but I firmly believe in boundaries such as routines, set bed times, certain rules at the table, some key safety issues (like holding my hand outside, no food in the car seat, no touching cords if ever exposed, etc) and putting away toys before going to bed. I am not militant about it, I never make my child clean her plate or behave perfectly, but I have always believed that having some basic safety rules, routines and traditions, if you will, makes a toddler more comfortable and secure, and in the end is best for their development. That is how I was raised, and I never had academic or behavioral issues. I do not know what will happen later, but at this time I have a toddler who met all her milestones and is happy, talking more and more every day and loves to put away her toys (although not every day, which is OK). No separation anxiety either, she never really had it. She does not touch TV buttons, and making it happen never required any slapping, or yelling, or carting away the TV. I believe in consistency in parenting above all, and since I also have a very active, head strong and in all respects classic toddler, who does not like to hear NO ever, I strive at consistency even more. There are more than one way to raise a healthy and emotionally stable child, rules are not the enemy. I will never presume to offer anyone, esp. parents with more than on child (i.e. more than me at the moment) parental advice – parent whichever way you want (I am of course talking about non-abusive parenting) and however it works for you, but from my experience with other people’s children and my own family members, boundaries are necessary. Not to make like easier for us, parents, but to make life easier for the kids that tend to grow more secure and happier when there are reasonable rules in place. Sorry for the lack of punctuation and the long winding comment – hard to edit in this tiny box…

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            June 4, 2013 at 8:32 AM

            I think maybe the point you missed that Rachel and I agree on is that rules have to be age appropriate, otherwise it’s just waste of breath. Obviously you cannot get away without rules with it comes to parenting but asking 1 year old to do something he is developmentally simply not ready to do is not going to work to the extend that is normally expected.

            It’s like I kept having an argument with mom over feeding Alexis. We did BLW as you know which meant Alexis would eat using her hands early on since she didnt eat purees. My mom being from the old generation was adamant that she will never learn how to use a spoon because we don’t spoon feed her. That’s just so laughable to me.
            I kept telling her that a 9 months old isn’t physically ready to hold a spoon and carry it to her mouth in a way to not drop solid foods (purees maybe). She will use a spoon when her motor development and concept of gravity kick in a bit better. But my mom wouldn’t let up and ended up feeding her with a spoon every time and completely thwarted our progress with BLW.

            The concept that if you don’t start something early on (even though it’s beyond a baby’s capability) they will never learn to do is wide spread and very wrong. Babies have windows of opportunity for learning all the time and it’s amazing to see how one day she simply doesn’t know how to do smth and then the next day does it without any effort. I’m sure you’ve seen that.

            So basically Rachel and I believe is waiting till they are ready while supporting them and watching them in the meantime.

            Ps. Had no idea you were pregnant (did you comment about that before). Congrats!!!!

          • Irina
            June 4, 2013 at 11:11 AM

            Thanks! 5 more weeks πŸ™‚
            I am not going to beat this poor dead horse anymore πŸ™‚ I think we are all good parents! You have always made your view very clear and non-judgemental, but when I read Rachel’s comment, it seemed a little one sided and in parts a little harsh on people with babies close together, etc., although I have no doubt she has done the best job with/for her little one.
            I am sorry to confess that my 18 mo old does not like the spoon all that much – she would eat yogurt and dense foods like chili/bean stew with the spoon, but mostly she prefers eating with her hands. I am not pushing the spoon, eventually we all will learn to use utensils. She refused to be spoon fed since she was probably 11mo – she just wanted to eat herself and frankly I do not see this as an kind of problem. I am more concerned about what she eats, rather than how. I am surprised Lexi went along with spoon feeding πŸ˜‰ – she seems like a determined little lady – but babies are all so different. Good luck πŸ™‚

          • Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
            June 4, 2013 at 11:25 AM

            Oh she didn’t but my mom was so determined to “teach” her how to eat off a spoon (wth) that she would hold the plate in her hands and feed her that way. Annoyed the crap out of me and nothing I said or did would change it when grandma was feeding. (I had other battles to fight)
            Anyways now she does a mix of spoon and hands but food doesn’t stay on it yet.

  • Reply
    June 3, 2013 at 3:01 PM

    The air is perfectly fine where I am! Get the sand out of your panties, I’m talking about people who complain about having too many kids and the people who tell moms like Elena that they need to be more strict and establish all sorts of rules on young toddlers. She already went on and on about why she didn’t feel the need to do 123 jump aside from a game aspect. Besides, the OP, Tawny, didnt even mean it like others replied. The whole thing is stupid and you cats who get on here with your argumentative comments towards Elena should just go hang out at GOMI where you can be miserable together.

    I couldn’t disagree more with toddlers having a million rules. Aside from safety, it is not necessary and not developmentally needed. Being overly strict has many valid concerns and that is what Elena was trying to get through your thick head.

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