Letters to Lexi: 4 Months

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Dear Baby Girl!

I’ve been searching for ways to talk to you and tell you the story of how you grew up and nothing I come up with seems significant or important enough. While this blog is a mix of my journey to parenthood, our life events and discoveries, I still feel there’s something missing. Something that is coming from deep within my heart, that makes it so easy to write and express my feelings about being your mommy. And what I realized is that what’s missing is me talking directly to you, so that some day when I am not even there, you could read these words and know your mommy loved you and did everything to ensure the best life for you.

So I’d like to start Letters to Lexi, as a way of talking to you through time. Maybe you will be able to go back to these when you have children of your own, when you’d be able to relate better.

4 months…

I feel like an eternity has passed since you came along. An eternity of knowing you, being with you, kissing your chubby cheeks, enjoying your smiles and struggling to put you to sleep. So much has changed in these 4 months. You’re a different baby, you’re a PERSON.

You light up every morning when you see mommy. You’ve developed a clear preference for me, something I tried to avoid by including your dad as much as possible, but secretly enjoy and am happy for. I know that in just a few short months, you’ll become a daddy’s girl, so I savor these moments of being the favorite.

From the moment you wake up till the second you go to sleep, I crave to be around you. My most miserable days are the days when I have to be working and your daddy is with you. I walk over to you every few minutes, I listen for your cries and squeals, I long to hug you and rock you to sleep. I hate my work days and I wish that all I could do is just spend time with you.We both still can’t believe we have a daughter, that YOU are our daughter. Honestly, I feel it’s such a HUGE privilege to be your parents. You’re an extraordinary little girl and you show that daily. The processes and thoughts that go on in your brain are fascinating to me. I see you looking everywhere, trying to make sense of the world, searching out our faces for emotions, waiting for a smile so that you could squeal in delight. It takes but a second for us to meet your eyes when you light up, as if you’ve been waiting for us to look at you for centuries.

You laugh so much! It’s the sweetest sound in the whole world to hear that rolling laugh and boy, have you been rewarding us with it. All I have to do is tickle your cheek with my nose, or pull on your legs and you burst into laughing. I thought you laughed a lot before for your age but this is beyond anything I could have imagined.

You have the most birlliant smile I have ever seen in my life. The way your eyes light up and your face becomes so girly and sweet, it just melts my heart. You become a completely different person for those seconds when your mouth is open in a wide grin and your eyes get those little wrinkles on the sides.

You’re really too much fun. You’ve developed this high pitched scream, that is different from your earlier squeals. This one is so full of energy and so full of YOU that it can’t be ignored. It’s an “O-M-G-I-A-M-S-O-E-X-C-I-T-E-D!” kind of scream. And when you’re unhappy, you scream too, just in a more demanding way. I think you like how it sounds and feels and I love you experiencing it. I promise you that I will not tell you to stop, that I will not set unnecessary limits on your happiness and self-expression because of social expectations and norms. Not now, not later. You can count on that, girl. You can scream and squeal and be as happy as you want to be and you’ll never hear from me “Sh! We’re in public!” (well unless we’re are in a place that requires silence).

You’ve been lifting your head up (looking up) for a few months now and that makes you look like such a grown girl. When you sit in my lap and you hear me talk or just get bored, you lift your head and look up at me with a sweet smile and I just really really really love that.

You love when daddy puts your on his arm tummy down and “flies” you all over the house. There’s just a hint of a smile, but mostly a serious face and you scan your surroundings from a different perspective.

You’ve developed so many preferences. You’ve always been very particular about things you don’t like, but now I see specific things that you LOVE.

You get sooo excited about going for a walk in your stroller. The second I put you in your Mutsy, you start laughing and your eyes sparkle. And when we pass trees, oh, how you love them- your legs start kicking and your eyes get soo big. You get incredibly quiet and content when I sit you up face forward in my Nordic Carrier and you will not make a sound as long as you’re facing out.

You’re even more passionate about things you don’t like. If I flip you to face me in a carrier- oh watch out! You are not going to have ANY of that.

You get so frustrated when you can’t get a teether in your mouth and you belt out a yell of anger and your hands shake from frustration.

You dislike nap time so passionately. You now know our routine and as soon as I walk up to the last item we say “Good night!” to, you KNOW and you start fussing. (update: for the last week, you’ve gone down for a nap almost without a peep, such a great progress)

Tummy time has become a favorite activity of yours. Again there’s lots of squeals and smiles and looking around. It gives you a different perspective, doesn’t it? You don’t seem to be interested in rolling over, you get all the way on the palms of your hands and look around, then balance yourself on one of them. And man, do you army crawl like a pro. Just give you some leg support and you’re off at a speed of light (sometimes you drag your arm underneath you and that’s no fun). If you find no support for your feet, you just scoot around the mat. You can turn 180 degrees in a matter of seconds.

Anything that touches your hand goes in your mouth. I have been trying to replace some questionable hanging toys with organic ones, so that I could let you suck on them with no fear and you love those even more. You love Sophie and your Lifefactory silicone teether and you just got some new organic toys from Apple Park and judging by how you were eyeing them as I was taking them out of the box, we’re going to have a new favorite.

Bathtime is probably your most favorite activity of the day, except for nursing. You wiggle and smile and scream and bounce in our arms the second we undress you. It’s so much fun to see the anticipation of your favorite activities in you.

We’ve also developed a few games that you love to play. Any time you grab a piece of cloth in your hand (be it a blanket or your sleeve as I am dressing you), and I try to tug it away from you, you laugh and squeal with delight and tug back trying to shove it back into your mouth. Sometimes a simple act of a blanket dancing on your belly sends you into a rolling laugh.

You LOVE nakey time and I really need to give you more opportunities to wiggle like worm. You start your “nakey” dance when I lay you down on the bed naked, you thrust your hips and move around and dance and smile and squeal.

You’ve also suddenly and unexpectedly grown out of swaddling. What a surprise for us, as we recently found just the perfect swaddle for you. But you’re a big girl now and you want your arms free and over your head. I get it!

You also found your thumb just a week ago, but don;t know to suck on it for comfort yet. You just put it in your mouth and lick it or hold it there.

Nursing has become an entertainment for you. You lie there in a craddle hold with your one arm behind me, scratching the chair by my back and the other arm in a fencing position floating in the air. You’re as distracted and distractable as can be. You get such a kick out of pulling off my boob right as it starts letting down and you get hosed with several sprays of milk while your mommy scatters to grab something, anything, to cover it up so that both of us wouldn’t get soaked. I always fail and we end up needing a change of clothes. Yeah, lotsa fun, isn’t it?

You’ve discovered that you can see a lot better if you arch your back and look up and now pretty much any activity means you’re arched all the way out, my gymnast. I can’t feed you without your unlatching and arching your back to see if it’s daddy who passed by. Oh and if someone utters a word, let alone carries a conversation when you’re eating, you drop everything and arch and turn to see who’s talking. You’re so cute!

You’ve also had this weird episode twice now. Whenever daddy or grandma leave to run errands and are gone most of the day, you act like you don’t recognize them when they come back and your lip comes out and you have this sad face and you look to me for reassurance. That hurts daddy a lot, I am sure. It takes you a few hours to “remember” who they are and smile back at them.

You absolutely adore bouncing on my knee or my head or being thrown (or more like lifted, because we’re afraid to actually throw you) into the air. If you’re upset with something, one of these activities are sure to put at least the tiniest smile on your face.

You’ve gotten this new habit of arching your back at everything. I carry you around like a little baby and you arch your back and look at everything upside down and you just love it. I think you’re loving the new control you have over your body so anytime I hold you, you look like a curved C.

You’re on the move, girl! In just a couple of days you’ve been crawling (army crawling, not hands and knees) non stop. If you are on your tummy, you no longer want to passively lie there looking around. You grunt and complain trying to move forward until one of us gives you something to kick off of and you’re gone. You crawl and grunt and speak so loudly but you love it. You get from one end of your tiny love mat to the other in 3 pushes. We need to get you a Supermat.

You still don’t get why you need to roll somewhere if you can belly crawl there. You’re kind of skipping it completely which not good, baby. You need to learn all the skills. Hope you figure out rolling at least after you start crawling. lol

You’re also all over me. You love it when I lie down and lay you tummy down on me because you’ll wiggle and roll (yes you’ll roll on me) and crawl and arch and are just so much fun!

{I can’t help it but laugh at this picture}

You like:

  • Itsy Bitsy Spider (especially when the rain comes down)
  • Tummy time and crawling (i.e. squirming)
  • Circus McGurcus 1,2,3
  • Gumming things, especially our knuckles
  • Bun Massages
  • Baths
  • Getting strapped into a stroller
  • Facing out in a carrier
  • Trees
  • Watching mommy and daddy eat
  • Mommy
  • Touching mommy’s ear while sleeping
  • Laughing with mommy
  • Looking around (that’s an understatement)
  • saying Ah-goo
  • being thrown in the air
  • when I hug you really close
  • standing up from a lying position as opposed to sitting up
  • your bouncy entertainment activity center (or whatever it is called)
  • nakey time
  • Looking up while arching your back

You don’t like:

  • Sleeping
  • Getting dressed
  • Getting your arms massaged
  • Scary bearded strange men
  • Facing in in a carrier
  • Fast let down

I love you so much little girl, you’re our world!

{Wearing in this post from top to bottom:

Picture 3: ModSwad
Picture 4: Polarn O Pyret
Picture 5: Sage Creek Organics
Picture 6: Boob Design
Picture 7: Green Baby 
Picture 8: Estella-NYC }

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  • Reply
    June 1, 2012 at 7:47 AM

    Happy 4 months, Alexis! This is the sweetest post I have ever read. She is such a lucky little girl to have you for her momma!

  • Reply
    June 1, 2012 at 9:15 AM

    Aww! That’s so sweet! Lexi and Avery would be best friends if they could play together! Avery does so many of the same things!

  • Reply
    Elena C.
    June 1, 2012 at 10:21 AM

    Awwww! Happy 4 months guys!
    She’s such a PERSON already!
    And I’m sooo glad you see and notice and encourage whatever she does! Way to go 🙂
    Love this “Letters to Lexi” part!

  • Reply
    Heather @Cookies For Breakfast
    June 1, 2012 at 10:38 AM

    Oh my goodness, her eyes are just AMAZING! I am in love with all her chub – there is nothing better than a chubby baby, huh?! My son is huge and when I see a “normal size” baby, I’m all, “What’s wrong with that child? Is he/she sick?” Hahaha.

  • Reply
    June 1, 2012 at 12:08 PM

    She is so cute! I can’t but help smile at these photos! Great post, love the letters to Lexi. They grow up so fast, oh tear.

  • Reply
    June 1, 2012 at 1:21 PM

    I have been watching your blog since you were pregnant, but I have never leave a comment, since now, when your post really made me cry…so sweet 🙂
    Happy 4 months to your baby girl, wish you all the best.
    Kisses from Romania 🙂

  • Reply
    June 1, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    Skye loves to be on her stroller,but she hates when we go out just for a walk and come back home,she gets too excited if she sees people not about trees,that girl doesn’t even look at them!
    She is also screaming like you said Lexi is,it’s like OMG and when she see her brother that girl goes crazy and start ‘talking’ to him. It’s too funny. Now that he is living with us (I already posted about this on my fb) when she wakes up he goes straight to her room and I put him on her crib,they love being together! The tummy time is her favorite part of the day too.
    Can’t wait to you guys be able to playdates,we are planning to spend christmas at Orlando,would be awesome if we meet!

  • Reply
    June 1, 2012 at 4:25 PM

    Oh my goodness! What a beautiful post! (damn pregnancy hormones, I was crying lol) And what a little chunky monkey–love how her chubby little cheeks push up around her eyes when she’s laughing 🙂

  • Reply
    Caitlin Mallery
    June 1, 2012 at 7:40 PM

    My son Ethan, loves the spider in “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” Oh the fun each child brings! She will probably always love you best, but daddy will be more exciting. Of course, there is such a special bond between daddy’s and their little girls. It is great to see you be so much in love with you darling girl.

  • Reply
    June 1, 2012 at 8:42 PM

    Thanks for sharing this! I’ve been doing something similar for my boy, except in a paper journal. It’s priceless to go back and read what I wrote three months or six months or a year ago. This first year really does zoom by and you’ll really appreciate having these details about her as she is now to look back on when she’s bigger.

  • Reply
    June 1, 2012 at 8:45 PM

    love it! love the chunx! i used to call ronelle “chunx” when she was little and considered getting a lic plate that said “chunxmom” lol

  • Reply
    June 2, 2012 at 8:26 AM

    Enjoy her being a mommy’s girl!! It will alllll change later on. Lol.

    She is somehow getting cuter and cuter, her chubby cheeks are ADORABLE!!

  • Reply
    June 2, 2012 at 8:27 AM

    What a lovely letter! I love her blue eyes, what a BIG happy baby! It’s uncanny how she looks just like your husband! And I love all her thick hair – my little girl started out with a thick head of dark hair, but now it’s all just pale blonde and wispy at 5 months.
    Isn’t it amazing how they start out as these little almost alien-like creatures, in their own little world, and then one day they seem to “wake up” and become real people!
    And don’t you love how early they start with the ‘proto-crawling?’ I hadn’t known about letting your baby push their feet against your hands until I read it in a baby book as a recommendation for something to do with three month-olds; that if you let them push off against something they will scootch forward like they are army crawling! It’s amazing how early they start working on all of these skills once you know what to look for! Is Lexi also doing “baby crunches”? That’s one of my favorite things at that age, when they strain so hard to sit up from a laying down position, it’s hysterical. 🙂 I swear, 4-6 months is my favorite time; they are so social and happy (happy screeching – I love it!), babbling and blowing raspberries, and are on the verge of so many cool things.
    And don’t worry about the mama-preference (they all do that when they realize you are the food source, ha!); you husband will get his turn soon enough! Since my husband watches my little girl 4 days a week we were lucky that phase was very short-lived, sometimes she still prefers to be held by me, but she has always squealed and laughed the second he walks into a room. It makes me jealous, he can make her laugh every time, but she makes me work much harder! 🙂
    I love your blog and can’t wait to see what you’ll post next! When do you think you’ll start solids? What are your thoughts on baby-led weaning?

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      June 2, 2012 at 9:50 AM

      Your comments always put a smile in my face.

      Yes I looooove the baby crunches- she gets so frustrated too haha. It is a very fun time and she’s doing and learning so much.

      I’ve always planned on starting solids no sooner than 6 months, especially after reading The Baby Bond. We are definitely going with BLW. I love the concept so we’ll see how it works out. The food thing is there’s no pressure for her to eat- her main nutrition is still going to be BM for as long as necessary. My first step is getting a high chair. She loves watching us eat so I want to put her on our level and let her watch. I might even make some BM Popsicles if she’s really eager to eat something like a big girl.

      I have soooo many posts planned, you have no idea! I just wish I had more time but this 4 months wakeful period is also “wakeful” during naps 🙂

  • Reply
    June 2, 2012 at 10:23 AM

    This was a sweet post to me until I realized you were slipping advertisements in it. If you were really sincere about “letters to your daughter” I doubt you would include so much product placement.

    • Reply
      Elena @The Art of Making a Baby
      June 2, 2012 at 1:08 PM

      Not really. Links are included solely for the benefit of my readers. I don’t gain anything from linking to lifefactory or Mutsy or many of the others. I do this because when I read other blogs and they mention a product that works for them,I appreciate when they attach a link so that I didn’t have to search it out myself.
      It’d be much easier for me not to look up websites and link them.
      But of course you’re free to think otherwise.

  • Reply
    June 2, 2012 at 12:07 PM

    Very sweet, Elena. She will get so much joy out of reading this. I wish my mom had done something like this for me to look back on, especially since she’s not here to ask questions. I know Lexi will appreciate all those details you put in the letter.

    On an unrelated note, “Scary bearded strange men” made me LOL!

    I mean, they scare ME too! Haha.

  • Reply
    June 4, 2012 at 11:40 AM

    Wow this is a cool website! The 9 pictures of the babies is really cool and I love the title of your website…like the “art of war”…only not at all! 🙂

  • Reply
    June 4, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    I totally disagree with ‘Jessica’ about her ‘product placement’ comment. I am preggers and am totally overwhelmed by how many products there are out there! I love reading blogs, especially this one, and seeing what products other mothers use! Plus, I’m sure it saves Elena a million emails from readers asking the same questions, ‘where did you get that??’ cause I know that I’ve done it to other blog writers.

    Anyway, love this post!!

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