Tuesday Pregnancy Question #2

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I had an amazing amount of response on the last pregnancy question. I really appreciate all of your answers. I loved reading all the details. It’s amazing how much more helpful just hearing other experiences is than reading books ( though I will continue going through my 20 pregnancy books stacked on my bedside table ). Thank you all so much.
I hope you’ll get to share your opinion and experience on this week’s question.


Since the miscarriage risk is pretty high in the first trimester, I find a lot of women waiting it out until they tell people they are pregnant.
I’m not superstitious, I am not worried about jinxing or anything other silly stuff. I think the motivation for most women to wait is so that they didn’t have to deal with questions if anything goes wrong.I am not a secretive person at all. When it comes to my life, there’s pretty much nothing that I keep to myself. I like sharing, and I really hate the feeling of keeping something from people unless there’s a really good reason.

My instinct is that I should not wait to tell for a few reasons:
1. This is a pregnancy blog, therefore it’d seem silly to wait out three months before writing anything
2. All my friends and family know we’re going to be TTCing, because they’ve been asking about when we’ll have babies for 8 years now
3. I seem to be mentally prepared for a good posibility of a miscarriage, so if it does happen, I’d rather have the support (i think?)
4. I don’t think I can keep something like that to ourselves.
5. I want to be able to “acknowledge” the baby right away, and that’d be harder if I am keeping it a secret.

So I’d love to hear what you think, what your experience have been, what decision you made and why and how did you feel afterwards. Basically, any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
Who knows maybe you say something that I didn’t even think of and would totally make up my mind.

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  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 10:01 AM

    It’s very hard to keep it quiet! We did about the same thing with both pregnancies told our parents and siblings and a few very close friends right away. My reason for that is that I would probably tell them anyway if something happened, and they all knew we were trying. After the 1st trimester was over, we told everyone else. This time however, my sister ended up spilling the beans to my husband’s family early though and I was a little upset by that. For any future pregnancies no one is going to know about the baby until after the 1st trimester is over.

    The main reason we want to wait until the 1st trimester is over, is because we both have very large families, that are very spread out. It seems like it would be very upsetting for family members to bring up a pregnancy that didn’t make it, several months later, just because no one ever got around to telling them about the news.

  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 10:23 AM

    My fiancé and I waited till we found out the sex to let everyone know we were expecting. Granted, we did tell our parents, siblings and a FEW close friends… but asked that they keep quiet about the pregnancy. We would have announced it sooner, but at the 1st trimester scan we were told that our LO had a large nuchal fold (3.6mm) and they wanted to do further testing to make sure everything was alright. As first time parents, we were definitely freaked out. We opted to have an amnio done and LO was given a clean bill of health… so far. We’re expecting a healthy baby boy on June 23rd.

  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 11:53 AM

    I def could not wait! That was the whole purpose I started my blog too 🙂 I told everyone when I found out, and I was only 7 weeks (well, later they put me back a week, so technically i was only 6 weeks when I told everyone). I could not imagine keeping that huge of a secret, not to mention that most of my friends would figure it out real quick when I would opt to drink soda rather than a beer 🙂 haha

  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    Nope! My husband and I were very shocked to learn we were pregnant. We had taken pregnancy tests the night before and my husband’s mom, who just happens to be a nurse (former labor and delivery nurse), was stopping by to take us out to lunch. We had so many questions and wanted to know what to do next, so we casually left the tests out where should would find them. Needless to say, she was just as shocked as we were (only married 5 months with a plan to wait 5 years!). We had so much fun telling everyone. I never regretted spilling the beans. I figure that if I had made my myself wait and wound up having a miscarriage, I probably would have told my family about it anyway.

    But that’s just me. 🙂

  • Reply
    Flower Photography
    April 12, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    We pretty much told everyone right away. When I lost two babies (between child 3 and 4) everyone knew and was there to support (in the best way they can, I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone) and then you hear how other people who you never knew went through the same/simliar etc. You tell whenever you want :o)

  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    I wasn’t blogging when I was pregnant with any of my 3 kids, but if I got pregnant again (God has a sense of humor, doesn’t he?) – LOL! I would probably tell my e-friends right away. I lost a baby between Drew and Livia, and the outpouring of love and support was amazing. I didn’t find it something I “didn’t want to talk about etc.”… embarassing, etc… It was just the way it was, very sad of course, but God controls that, not us.

    Those are my feelings about it now… But I think when we actually were pregnant, we told family and only close friends right away, and then “everyone” more near the 3 month mark. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong though…just your comfort level. Best wishes!!! XOXO

  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    I’d go half-way and tell the closest member of the family first. I’m not superstitious either, but I hate it when people start feeling and expressing sorry for you. Even if it’s genuine and sweet, I don’t want to hear it. That would be the only reason to keep a secret until I’d know for sure everything is going fine.

  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 2:46 PM

    We didn’t tell with the first, did tell with the 2nd and 3rd. Personally, I feel like I could tell whoever I didn’t mind telling that I had a miscarriage. Close friends/relatives, the the world at 3 months (or whenever I heard the heartbeat–which there is a dramatic drop of miscarriage rate after the heartbeat is confirmed, which can be as early as 8 weeks). Good luck! I’m sure whatever you decide will be the right thing for you.

  • Reply
    Emily B.
    April 12, 2011 at 3:05 PM

    I have had cousins who told the news early, and others who waited – it is really whatever you are comfortable with! I will tell you this though – my cousin recently told a lot of people (she is a teacher, so her whole school knew basically) at about 8 weeks, and she was told she was pregnant with twins. A couple weeks later, it turned out that she had vanishing twin syndrome and one of the babies didn’t make it. So after people had bought her gifts in “twos” she had to mourn the loss of her one baby while still trying to be excited about the one that was growing just fine… all the while explaining to her co workers, friends and families that she wasn’t expecting multiples anymore. This was REALLY hard on her, and she actually decided that she wouldn’t even want to have an ultrasound at all until 3 months next time, other than to hear the heartbeat. This has made me reconsider how early on I will tell friends and family about our future pregnancies, but I am leaning toward waiting until 3 months to tell everyone aside from maybe our parents and closets friends or siblings.

  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 8:02 PM

    We did not wait at all. I found out at night and right away Jon called his parents and then we went to my parents and told them. I think a couple days later I put it on facebook lol. I wasn’t blogging then. I can’t keep a secret.

  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 9:31 PM

    Only told a few family members and one friend ….I’m pretty private and did not want to deal with people if something did happen …but when i felt comfortable we had fun by sharing the news on our christmas card that year

  • Reply
    Miranda Hartrampf
    April 12, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    i didnt wait it was tooooooo exciting

  • Reply
    Mrs. Muffins
    April 12, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    I spilled the beans as soon as I knew. I told anyone and everyone! This time around, it would depend on how I got pregnant. Right now I have a copper IUD in place and if I were to get pregnant with it in place, the removal process is risky and I might want to wait before telling. However, if I have it removed and THEN we get pregnant, I would feel better about sharing the news.

    Can’t wait to hear your announcement!


  • Reply
    April 12, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    Before getting pregnant, I had decided I would wait until after the first trimester. But once we actually found out we were pregnant, we decided to tell a few select people- our immediate families and our close friends. I didn’t make an “announcement” until 12 weeks when we had our first ultrasound and I could actually see the baby! But I think because I was never really sick int he first trimester, it was so hard for me to believe it was real. I didn’t feel pregnant so I was worried there wasn’t even a baby in there! Once we could actually SEE her I wasn’t worried anymore. In fact, if we had had an ultrasound earlier than 12 weeks, I would have shared then. I wasn’t worried about miscarriage, I just thought it was too good to be true since I felt pretty normal! Next time around I think we’ll probably share much earlier. I was DYING to share the news with people!

  • Reply
    April 13, 2011 at 7:29 AM

    I told my parents straight away but we were going to wait to tell everyone else. Then I got really sick so we told my husbands family but still kept it a secret from my work. I went on sick leave when I was 5 weeks pregnant (yep, I was that sick that early on, lol) but told them I had a stomach bug…I kept that one going until I was about 9 weeks! Then I told my boss but no one else until the 12 week mark 🙂
    With number #2 we told my family straight away then everyone else around the 8 week mark 🙂 I kind of liked having a little secret haha!

  • Reply
    Flower Photography
    April 13, 2011 at 7:57 AM

    In reply to Karli’s remark – I didn’t want to see or talk to any one as that was my personal preference. I wasn’t embarrassed or anything like that. People take things the wrong way. I just went into myself. I think I was the hormones all over the show. Everyone deals with things differently there is no right or wrong 🙂

  • Reply
    April 13, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    I personally have never been pregnant, but some friends of ours recently announced that they were pregnant, but that the doctors had been honest in telling them they were not sure they would be able to carry the baby through the first trimester. They decided to go against the ‘norm’ and tell all of us they were pregnant anyways because they knew that if something did happen, they would need the support. Unfortunately, the pregnancy didn’t carry, and they did have to than tell all of us, which I think was the hard part, but they also said it was therapeutic. Instead of keeping inside this difficult time they were going through, they had their friends and family who understood what they were going through. I think it’s a personal decision but they made me appreciate both sides of the argument.

  • Reply
    Elena C. :)
    April 13, 2011 at 11:17 AM

    I believe it’s up to you and your comfort level as someone has already mentioned.
    I personally would tell my parents, close relatives and very-very few friends at the beginning,
    and everyone else after the 1st trimester 🙂

  • Reply
    Jamie Rubeis
    April 13, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    I am horrible about keeping a secret! HORRIBLE! We told everyone pretty much right away. However, I totally understand why someone wouldn’t tell. Especially for those people that have a really hard time conceiving or experienced a miscarriage.

  • Reply
    April 13, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    For those that are following this thread…a HUGE apology from me to Flower Photography!! (I just wrote a long apology on her blog!) 🙂 I’m writing here so no one things I’m horrible. I totally didn’t read her comment first before I posted mine, and I can’t believe I wrote what I did (in quotations no less)…which was something she just commented on – eeeekkk! I’m so so so sorry! Gosh, how embarassing that I did that. I should have really read the comments above mine first. Sorry guys!! Hope you’re alll having a good Wednesday! ??

  • Reply
    April 13, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    Nope, we didn’t wait the whole time. We found out we were pregnant and I immediately told my best friend. Then the dr makes you wait a few more weeks before you come in and confirm the pregnancy…I think you go in around 7 weeks preg (find out at 4 usually) so after we saw the heartbeat, we told our families. Around 8 weeks I became really sick with morning sickness (or all day sickness) and so I had to tell my boss. After that, pretty much everyone knew. I agree that I would have wanted support if I had a miscarriage. But I did wait until we saw the heartbeat to share the news because until then, it didn’t really seem real.

  • Reply
    April 13, 2011 at 4:42 PM

    It was definitely hard to keep secret for the first 3 months (well, two, since the first month you don’t even know), and we told our parents and family about 2 months in, and then at dinner with close friends, they were joking around about being pregnant and guessed that we were, so we told them. The rest of the world, we waited until 3 months.

    On one hand, it would be nice to have support if we were to lose the baby in the first trimester, but on the other hand, I know those ladies who have had miscarriages and see the way other moms look at them with sadness and pity in their eyes. I don’t want that.

  • Reply
    April 13, 2011 at 10:10 PM

    I did not wait with either of my pregnancies. We told our parents first thing and then told everyone else immediately. My mind set was this: the people I share my most exciting times with should be the people I also turn to in sorrow and lean on for support. I gave it all to God and knew that either way, His will was to be done and He’d see me through all of it – good or bad.

  • Reply
    April 18, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    We didn’t plan the pregnancy, so when I found out I didn’t want to tell anyone at first. I’m not superstitious or anything. I just thought it wasn’t anybody’s business. I only told my two best friends when I found out. Then I told my mom when I was about 10-11 weeks pregnant. We told some close relatives when I was about 20 weeks along. And the rest of the world found out when it started to show which was at about 30 weeks.

  • Reply
    May 17, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    Our families and friends always asked us when we were going to have a baby. We told them a few years. We didn’t let anyone know we were TTC because we wanted that to be a surprise. Plus, if it had taken us a while to get pregnant we didn’t want everyone to be asking, “Are you pregnant yet?!” So we waited until we were pregnant to say anything. Luckily, we didn’t have to wait long. Back when I was pregnant, my DH worked two days straight, an hour away, so he would stay the night up there. We waited until he was home for the weekend and we made the calls. First, my Mom (she would have been devastated if she found out she were 2nd or 3rd on the list. I’m her only daughter out of 6 sons. So it’s a big deal to her!) and my Dad, then DH’s parents, then we went down the list from oldest sibling to youngest, alternating families. Everyone was thrilled for us! Then we told some close friends right away, but didn’t announce it to FB until 12 weeks. I guess you could say, we just wanted everyone to know!

    • Reply
      Elena @ Art of Making a Baby
      May 17, 2011 at 6:42 PM

      I would have a problem not telling. I would need to tell someone! FB will be the last to know though 🙂

  • Reply
    Leeka K.
    August 31, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    I love this picture of us! :))))

  • Reply
    June 5, 2013 at 1:57 PM

    We told all our close friends and family right away and then lost the baby at 8 weeks. It was very hard to tell everyone that we had lost the baby… luckly my husband was amazing and talked to everyone so I didn’t have to. It was nice to have the support, but we felt it would have been easier if we hadn’t told anyone. This time (currently 27 weeks pregnant) we waited until the first trimester was over. For us it was much nicer and was fun for us to share a secret that no one else knew about. 🙂

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