To be a SAHM or to NOT be SAHM…

We’re both super busy with work. It’s a great feeling- I love working and being busy.

For a while there, I liked the idea of being a stay at home mom- no work or money worries, just cooking, cleaning, blogging, picture taking and taking care of the baby. And for some people it might work, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I really need to work to feel fulfilled.

So we had a few discussions about what it’s going to be like when we have an infant, how we’re going to deal with it. Hubby might like the old-timey idea of being a bread winner and having his wife “barefoot-and-pregnant”, but even he realizes that everything would fall apart at work without me. I’m the client relationship manager and the marketer and the processor and the paper pusher, among other things. And those are the things you just can’t teach. You either hate it or love it, have it or not. I do, he doesn’t.

He does other things fabulously though, but we both know that as soon as I am gone, those things will go by way side and while the processing and administrative stuff can be neglected for a while without huge consequences, the marketing and the client relationships are something that needs to be done daily for as long as you need your business running, or soon it’ll slow down to a turtle walk.

He can’t be a stay at home dad for those reasons as well, besides the fact that I’d never in a million years trade time with my baby for career. We’re lucky we have options!

We sort of decided that we will BOTH be stay-at-home parents ( since we mostly work from home). We will make sure that we are home 100% of the time, except for client meetings and showings and we share the duties equally. Since our fully equipped home office is right next to the room that will be a nursery, we will attend to our newborn, based on turns and/or whoever is available at the moment. Tentatively, we decided Andrew will have the diaper duty and I will be doing breastfeeding in the very beginning, since newborns tend to pee/poop and eat at the same rate. And evenings and weekends will be spent as a family.

Right now our cooking/cleaning has pretty much the same agreement. We do it all together, unless one person is less busy than another. But we really end up waiting for the other person to free up so that we could go make lunch/dinner together. Hubby is more active in the morning, making breakfasts, I’m usually the dinner person. So we’ll see how it works with the baby.
Plus I am really hoping my mom, who’s recently retired, will be here for the first 3+ months. She’s a HUGE help! I love having her around, she doesn’t mind helping with cooking and cleaning and is a super loving person. I’d trust her 100% with our baby not just from the safety standpoint but knowing that she would give him/her all the attention and love a new baby needs, because she was a terrific mom to us and grandma to my niece and nephew.

One thing I will mind losing when I get pregnant though – my friends and our weekend boat and beach outings. I had to bite my tongue when they were making plans for May, because there is possibility I won’t be able to go again until I have the baby if I get pregnant in May. It is definitely going to be hard to resist the temptation to go see people, especially with how they just don’t get why on earth I’d limit human contact during the pregnancy ( lowered immune system during pregnancy+germs+toxins=not a risk I care to take ).

J. (pictured below) even volunteered to be our baby’s Naples grandpa, so it’ll be extra hard to say no to him when he wants us to come by.
(both our families are far away, but we already lined up our 1 st set of stand-in grandparents and working on second starting with J.)

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6 Comments

  • Reply
    Captivus
    April 21, 2011 at 11:55 PM

    I’m a historian assistant (history major–I assist historians until I can get my masters and actually BE ONE myself). I was working in a lot of different countries so when I got pregnant (which wasn’t planned and a big surprise), I decided easily to stop working because my job takes me away. It was a HARD thing. I was miserable and restless the first year. Stopping things that I enjoyed, sleeping in, spontaneous outings, etc, all that was hard and I was called selfish by a lot of people, LMAO! But I was honest, I did miss those things, BUT I enjoyed my daughter and I knew that eventually she would outgrow this “needy” stage and I would slowly get back my freedom, etc. It does go by fast, but in the beginning I personally had a hard time adjusting 🙁 Our parents live far away and our daughter rarely gets to see them. THAT is extremely hard, but we move around all the time. It’s hard t even make grandparent “figures” because we move all the time! LOL!

  • Reply
    Ashley
    April 22, 2011 at 12:11 AM

    It will be great if you guys can pull this off. At the very beginning it is a good idea for you to rest and breastfeed and utilize your mom while hubby does diapers etc. Babies sleep a lot in the beginning so you’ll probably get work done from home pretty easily. Once they get bigger, they get quite demanding so you many need more of a schedule in terms of work and trade off who is working and who is watching baby. But I think you will really enjoy the benefits of being both a SAHM and a WAHM mom. And having your husband around when you need him (and vice versa) will be so great! Being a SAHM has many rewards but it can be very lonely and you feel like your brain goes to mush. 🙂

  • Reply
    Elena C. :)
    April 22, 2011 at 6:13 AM

    Love the plans about taking turns to do everything 🙂
    Completely agree to having Mom around for the first couple of months, I’ve already talked to my mom about it too 🙂

  • Reply
    Flower Photography
    April 22, 2011 at 11:18 PM

    Oh I just made that comment on your other blog about babies and boats etc 🙂 I am really intrigued to see how this all pans out as I have never known anyone so planned and meticulous. It’s great – I mean ideal and you seem to have no worries in any direction. It is nice you will have help not everyone get’s that. Another question (sorry If I am nosey!!) but have you ever said why you want a baby? I remember how you were having a few little doubts earlier and just wondered what your thoughts were on that. I think you would be okay with me asking? as you have put pretty much everything else out there. Feel free to tell me otherwise 🙂

    • Reply
      Elena @ Art of Making a Baby
      April 23, 2011 at 11:43 AM

      You know for the same reason anyone else has a baby plus a few. I love kids a lot and I cannot imagine a family without kids, without my own kids. I also have a lot to give and teach and I’d love to pass that onto a little person and grow them to be absolutely fabulous. Of course my logical thinking mind is worried about changing my life for such “frivioulous” reasons, but what other reasons are there to have kids? It’s the meaning of life, to procreate and pass your knowledge onto the next generation. It’s sort of the next step in life for us as a family. As simple as that.

  • Reply
    Jamie Rubeis
    April 25, 2011 at 1:27 PM

    You definitely have some great options. I think it will work out fabulously for you and as the baby grows you will find that you need to make adjustments in your schedules. Staying at home full time is very challenging. Especially at first. I think that is why so many moms get into blogging. It’s a great creative outlet.

    Having your mom help out is very important. The more family or even friends you have to help you during those first couple of months will be greatly appreciated.

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