How I Love to Scare Myself with Non-Existant Conditions or Stop eating POT! ( with happy ending)

I wouldn’t call myself a hypochondriac. I am more of a “health freak” type. I don’t tend to invent conditions I do not have, but I am very concerned with any health problem I MIGHT have. I often jump online to self-diagnose if something is hurting  or doesn’t feel right, however I don’t go crazy over it and worry excessively. I go to a doctor, i get checked out and every time it’s all fine. I do take my health seriously, I’m one of those people who thinks prevention is the best word in the vocabulary ( as evidenced by my approach to pregnancy and childbirth).
So when, during a pre-conception urine test, they found some protein, I made sure to schedule a follow up appointment  to do another urine test. According to the doctor, protein can sometimes show up in your urine, but that’s fine. However if it shows up consistently, then there’s a problem. After researching it on the internet, i found out that protein in urine can very well be a sign of kidneys not working right. Since it’s the kidneys leaking protein ( they’re supposed to keep something as valuable as that), then there must be a problem there.
I came in for a follow up test and guess what? There was even more protein (+2).
“Oh-oh!”  I thought.
Instantly, recollection of my mom telling me that my grandma died from kidney problems started flooding my mind. Shiiiiiit!!!
While I  hate being unhealthy or having any kind of condition, one thing I hate more is having a GENETIC condition. It just bothers me to high heaven that it’s something 1.) out of my control, 2.) was given to me by someone else ( read: genes), 3.) I can’t do shit to change that.

See, I lead a VERY healthy lifestyle:
I exercise every day
I am a vegetarian
I take vitamins
I do not eat processed food at all
I do not eat sweets (much)
I don’t eat out ( I cook everything at home)
I don’t smoke
I don’t drink ( at all)
I don’t drink coffee
I try to buy organic ( as much as I can and can afford)


So I feel there’s absolutely NO reason there should be ANYTHING wrong with me. EVER 🙂 Or at least for a very long time.
Anyways, the doctor comes in, explains to me that there’s even more protein in my piss  (excuse me!) urine. I mention to him that my grandma DIED from a kidney related condition. He informs me of a genetically dominant polycystic kidney. It sounds familiar. It’s that very type of condition that would drive me nuts. The type of condition that gets worse and worse and something you’d have to live with all your life. The type that puts you on dialysis treatment by age 40. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
So that freaks me out, of course. Me? On dialysis? No freaking way! Isn’t it only diabetic, old, super overweight people who neglected their health their whole life who go on dialysis? No freaking way!
I drive home. Upset as all get out. Not “crying” upset, but ANGRY upset! Angry at my grandma for dying from a kidney related disease.
My husband, while concerned, tells me to calm down and wait until the good doctor does some tests. In the meantime, I call my mom to ask her what exactly my grandma’s problem was. Of course, in no way do I explain to her what has happened that afternoon and pretend that I’m just curious. My mom is such a worrier ( that’s where I get it from) that I’d never upset her like that without knowing all the facts.

AAAAaaaaaand she tells me it was simple inflammation of kidneys. LOL. Pyelonephritis.  The only reason she passed away from it is because she refused to get treatment ( she was a tough Russian woman from a remote village roughing it out in the big city). OOOhhhhh!! AAaaaahhhhh! Relief! I CAN’T have polycystic kidney! I won’t have to spend my late years on dialysis! My kidneys aren’t expanding and growing cysts! I can have a baby and not pass this genetically dominant condition on!
WOW! As soon as I processed it occurred to me how funny it was that i EVEN thought that I’d have something like that. My family genetic and health history is spotless.  The occasional high blood pressure was due to stupid russian diet high in refined carbs and cholesterol ( those people don’t know what Olive Oil is, and those who do, refuse to use it in favor of vegetable oil (yuck!), citing its taste)
I call the doctor immediately, he cancels the ultrasound that would take a look at my NON-cystic kidneys.

But we still have to investigate what is causing my proteinuria ( fancy word for “some steak in your pee”).
I go for a 24 hour urine test. They hand me THIS JUG! ( I debated on whether I should post this picture here or not, but hell with it! Yeah I peed in it. Yes, without a funnel ( TMI yet?)). I picked it up and had to go through the whole building carrying this HUGE orange PEE JAR! Then I had to pee into it for the next 24 hours and finally drop it off ( FULL!) at the lab. So that wasn’t embarrassing at all. 🙂

I felt so much better having done that and even better than that, when the results came back completely normal in a few days. I even got a call from my OBGYN on Friday night personally telling me it was ALL fine ( I think he felt a bit responsible for jumping to conclusions and scarying me with a irreversible uncontrollable genetic disease) lol

After I analysed the whole situation and the tests, in addition to doing some research, I found what might have a been the  cause for that scary protein in my urine. I read somewhere that hemp seeds ( the ones that grow pot) excrete albumin ( protein) in high doses. My favorite cereal happens to be organic HEMP SEED CEREAL ( what? hemp seeds are very nutritional and good for you). And every time I went for that urinalysis, I had just finished my morning cereal. And that’s exactly why a 24 hour test showed nothing significant.

So that’s the story of how I “almost inherited” an incurable genetic disease by eating pot.

And while you’re here, please click this button – K, thnx!

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Nastia
    December 1, 2010 at 3:50 PM

    We have so much in common,I like to take care of my health and to see doctor as soon as i think/have any problems or questions.
    And I also don’t tell anything to my mom (especially when I’m not near her)before checking and be sure that it’s really try,because she worries too much.
    It’s funny but in Russia we must give our urine in the mornig with “empty stomach” we can’t even drink water to have real results,so I was very surprised to read that you have eaten before it.
    Well,as we say Everything is fine that ends fine;)

    • Reply
      E
      December 1, 2010 at 3:55 PM

      Haha! That’s cool!
      In US, there’re urinalisys that require you to do it first thing in the morning and then there’re ones where it doesn’t matter. I guess they did mine during the day, both times. I just think it’s hilarious I thought i might have had a genetic condition.

  • Reply
    Natalia Deymonaz
    December 2, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    That’s a huge JUG! HAHAHA Great bathroom picture! You poor uncontrollablegeneticdiseasepeeinthejuggirl!

    • Reply
      E
      December 2, 2010 at 3:02 PM

      You should have seen it relative to my size. It was really big. I had snapped a better pic of it, but then got all embarrased and decided I didn’t want a photo of my pee jug in my phone. I regret it now 🙂

  • Reply
    Sonya
    December 3, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    what a great post…I guess it’s only natural for us to jump to the “what if” I adored this post alot. The pictures were just laugh out loud moments…oh the pee jug!

    • Reply
      E
      December 3, 2010 at 12:27 PM

      Thank you, Sonya! yeah i guess we, women, are all the “what if” kind. I just can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when I’m actually pregnant. I will need to really chill then 🙂

  • Reply
    Lizz
    December 6, 2010 at 2:12 PM

    Just a heads up that it’s not just “only diabetic, old, super overweight people who neglected their health their whole life who go on dialysis”
    Check out my blog and this week’s Self Portrait post for I Heart Faces… 🙂

    • Reply
      E
      December 6, 2010 at 2:17 PM

      Yeah, I’m very well aware, Lizz. That was more of a typical stereotype I/we had of what dialysis meant for me.

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